Take Your Broken Heart, Make it Into Art: Women React to Trump

Yesterday, Donald Trump was sworn in as President. Today, millions of people march in protest.

This is real. This is reality. This is scary.

I’ve had a lot of issues processing this, and I know others have too. So I asked two of my friends, coincidentally both named Alicia, to talk about their feelings. Because we needed an outlet, and who better than the internet.

We want people to listen. We want to people to read and share. We want to start a conversation. Together we can get through this.

It’s time for good trouble.

Alicia Christine: 

Last week I started reading the March trilogy by John Lewis. In the first book, Lewis mentioned Dr. King’s commitment to the “social gospel”; that the message and principles of Christianity (i.e “the gospel”) should be applied to social justice. The message of Christianity is that no matter who you are, what you have done, where you live, what color skin you have, what your gender is, where you are, that Jesus loves you. Dr. King took this message of love as well as the countless teachings of Christ and applied it to the world around him. Because I believe in Jesus, I already believed in “the social gospel” but something about reading the term and effect of “the social gospel” a week before the inauguration was encouraging to me. It was so inspiring, in fact, that I was shaking.

So when I read Trump’s insults of John Lewis last week, you’ll understand why I was both angry, afraid and discouraged. To say such blatantly incorrect, insulting comments about a Civil Rights leader on the eve of Dr.King’s birthday was freaking surreal. Doing this speaks volumes on Trump’s preparedness to lead a nation, his knowledge of history, his approach to race relations, and his character. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the only time I’ve thought “this speaks volumes…” when it comes to Trump. The timing of it all just stung me. I was so angry, in fact, that I was shaking.

Today, I woke up and remembered what was happening today. I felt dread and sadness. There’s not one ounce of me that has any excitement or patriotism today. I have not clicked on any articles or watched any coverage because I refuse to contribute to those ratings. I haven’t spent a lot of time on social media because it feels like everyone is fighting again. If the past two years are any indicator of Trump’s presidency, I am going to be angry, discouraged, shocked, and afraid many times in the next four years.

But I’m not despairing. The peace, hope, forgiveness and love that I find in the “gospel” portion of the “social gospel” counteracts my fear and discouragement and turns it into hope, motivation and empathy. I’m ready to take those counteractions and put them into action. I am not despairing. I am not despairing because of the following truth that I feel like we will all need to remember for the next four years:

“Mercy triumphs over judgement.”-James 2:4b.

Emily Miller (Me):

The love and admiration I have for Hillary Clinton is matched in passion only by the sheer hatred I have for Donald Trump. I have been a very loud critic of his, and now that he won, I’ve been asked what will I do with my hatred? His supporters have argued that he is the sitting president, and no one should wish ill will towards him.

I am not actively rooting against him. I want more than anything that this man, and his tiny hands, prove me wrong. I want him to be the Best President in our country’s history. But I will not be silenced into complacency just because he is the President. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

He should be held to the highest standard in the world because he represents all of us. I will not sit back and allow him to continue tweeting and bullying individuals and entities. I will continue to fight, I will continue to point out when he is wrong and unjust, and I will not give him my respect simply because his office demands that of me. He needs to earn that from me first.

Still, I attempted a sign of good will towards him. I watched his Inauguration in the hopes that he would prove me wrong.

He didn’t.

He said we should “Buy American. Hire American” when Trump Ties are still being produced in China.

He said over and over again, “America first” which goes against the ideas this country was founded on. “America first” was what politicians used as a rallying call to not intervene in WWII and help stop the Holocaust.

He dismissed and attacked Obama, a tactic usually exclusively reserved for campaign speeches.

He used a slew of negative words like “bleed,” “carnage,” “ripped,” “stealing,” “tombstones” and “trapped.” These words had never been used in an inauguration speech before.

What hit me the hardest was after his speech David Duke tweeted, “We did it! Congratulations Donald J. Trump President of the United States of America!”

It was the “we” that got me. David Duke was the President of the KKK, a white supremacist, and most despicable of all, a Holocaust denier.

And he said we did it.

I swear, I really tried to like Trump. It’s not my fault he already made a mockery of his job and our country in the first twenty minutes of office.

Alicia Whavers: 

On January 20th 2017, Donald Trump was inaugurated. I keep thinking “what does this mean”? No, honestly! What does this mean? Yes, everyone is up in arms about our future now that he is president. What will happen to health care? Social Security? Will the minimum wage rise? What about the state of our international relations? What is our relationship status with Russia? Friends? In a relationship? It’s complicated?! Is Taiwan our new side chick?

Everyone is talking about our future. That is the tag line on all the “Trump-Watch” footage. But what does this mean for us now? What does it mean that we allowed this man to attain such a state of power, that he is now our leader? I know, I know. I’m asking a lot of questions, but these questions need to be asked, and no one seems to want to provide the answers. Because we cannot talk about our future if we refuse to evaluate our present. And until we have the ability to travel into the future, we have to focus on the present (well, if we did travel to the future it would no longer be the future but the present…but it is the future of what we now call the present…so is the future only future because we are presently present…I’m going down a rabbit hole here).

Back to the present! Let’s evaluate our present, and do what the Baby Boomers seem to think Millennials do best: judge. Here’s a list of all of the things that I have learned about Trump as a person. Subjective? Yes. Factual? Definitely.

What I know about Donald Trump

1) He mocked a disabled reporter
2) He does not mind grabbing a woman by her genitals
3) He has referred to minorities in some of the most derogatory expressions I have ever heard
4) He believes that $1,000,000 is a small loan
5) Did not believe that Obama was a U.S. citizen (bonus points for Trump’s wife being from Russia)
6) Has stated that African Americans choose to live in a state of poverty and socio-economic inequality
7) Said the same thing about women
8) Speaking of women, heavily implied that he would have some sort of relations with his daughter if she wasn’t his daughter
9) Wanted to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico
10) Stated that Mexicans should pay to build said wall
11) Spoke at rallies and told the crowds that he promotes violence
12) Said that Hilary Clinton should be thrown in jail
13) Throws hissy fits on Twitter

I stopped because I realized that I could continue on in this fashion for a while. Now, supporters of Trump might be able to ignore these “trivial” (as those supporters would like to say) acts and qualities in the 46th president. Instead, they choose to go based off of what he said he will do. But I can only judge a man by what he has done. And there is absolutely nothing that Donald Trump can do to make me believe that he is a good person, let alone a good leader.

This man taking the presidential seat tells me that this country is looking to take major steps backwards. I have always tried to gauge the social climate of my country; I have to as a minority. I need to know what I am up against. And this election has given me a clear read out of our current state. And I am not liking what I am seeing.

I’m hearing you loud and clear America. You support a man whose bigotry is only equaled by his misogyny. Whose tolerance is thinner than his hair. Whose behavior is more akin to a 2nd grade student than a president of a country. He is our president. I didn’t vote for him, but I have to accept it all the same. Just like I have to accept that this is what America wants for a leader.

And if you don’t think this is what America wants, I want to hear it. I want to see it. I want to see America reject this new reign of governing that supports intolerance, prejudice, and inequality. Prove me wrong. Make me eat my words. America, put on your biggest smile, your best clothes, your fanciest shoes, and prove me wrong. Until you do that, I have to look at our bleak present, and prepare for an even bleaker future.

Every Gilmore Girls Episode Ranked

DEAN: So…it’s a show?

RORY: It’s a lifestyle.

LORELAI: It’s a religion.

This sums up perfectly my love of all things Gilmore. It’s my favorite TV series yes, but its something else beyond that. During my darkest days my girls were always there. I’ve seen every season more times than I count (except season 7 because obviously.) and generally just watch it on a continuous loop.

When Netflix announced that they were reviving the series, it felt like Christmas had come early. I also knew I had to immediately start the series over again to gear up for the greatest day of the year. I also started reading every article, review and interview on the show. That’s when I realized that there wasn’t a definitive list of every single episode ranked. As a Gilmore Girls junkie I was outraged. Naturally, I decided to change that.

Special Shoutout to the other superfan in my life, my girl Lauren Kardos for her help and encouragement with this list. She checked my list twice, gave me some reality doses and ended up helping a lot with these. So thank you thank you. You can follow her on twitter @l_kardos.

Warning: There is no method to my madness.

Gilmore Girls Episodes Ranked:

153. That’s What You Get, Folks, for Makin’ Whoopee 7.02

Reasoning: This episode is just painful. Lorelai tries to pretend she didn’t sleep with Christopher by creating an Asian theme wonderland for Rory in their house. When the truth finally comes out, Rory and Lorelai fight, and it’s poorly written, awkward and even more terrible because they are both in kimonos. You can read Lauren Graham’s face in this scene and you can tell she’s thinking, where did my lines from Amy Sherman-Palladino go. To make matters worse, the subplot is that Lane finally lost her virginity, did not enjoy herself while doing it AND gets pregnant from the first and only time she has sex. So much yuck.

Soundbite: Lorelai: [Rory shows Lorelai her massive stack of materials for her cancelled Asia trip] Wow! Were you planning on visiting Asia, or invading it?

152. French Twist 7.07

Reasoning: This episode was genuinely sweet. Lorelai deserves to see the world and it was nice to see her that happy. And then she eloped with Christopher and ruined everything. All points in this episode were immediately lost after that because IN WHAT REALITY DOES LORELAI GET MARRIED WITHOUT RORY BEING THERE. This show was never farther away from itself, then in this bizarre moment in time.

Soundbite:  Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, my god.

Christopher Hayden: What?

Lorelai Gilmore: We’re in Paris!

Christopher Hayden: You were thinking it was Phoenix?

151. The Great Stink 7.05 

Reasoning: Insert witty joke about this episode stinking here. No but actually, this episode reeks, much like Stars Hollow. The audience suspends a lot of disbelief when it comes to the town, but having a train of pickles derail, causing the whole town to smell for days because Taylor refuses to clean it up, is a little much. The subplot is also stinky. Rory meets Logan’s new business partners and one of them is a gorgeous, intelligent blonde. So naturally the stunning, witty, kind, successful Rory gets intimated by her. If Rory Gilmore gets threatened by someone he works with for no other than the fact that she’s pretty, what expectations are setting on the viewers regarding self worth? I may be reading too much into this, but I’m a firm believe in representation and this does not make me feel good.

Soundbite: 

Rory: Hey, what’s going on?

Lorelai: Well, Stars Hollow smells like pickles…

Rory: Pickles?

Lorelai: Pickles

Rory: Pickles pickles?

Lorelai: Pickles

150. Fight Face 6.02

Reasoning: This episode is just awkward on so many levels. Lorelai gets a dog, TJ puts a giant hole in Lorelai and Rory’s house, and Lorelai gets engaged to Luke and she doesn’t tell Rory. However, the weirdest worst moment is seeing Rory pick up trash on the side of the road for her community service. It’s a terrible image that doesn’t leave the mind that easily. It’s especially heartbreaking and worse to see Lorelai find her on the side of the road like that and the proceed to argue with her. It’s one of those rare moments in the show that it doesn’t feel like I’m watching Gilmore Girls, making the episode really difficult to watch.

Soundbite: Liz Danes: [talking about giving T.J. a carpentry job] Luke! His life depends on it. Luke: How? Liz Danes: Because if he doesn’t get his ass out of the house and work more I’m going to kill him.

149. A Vineyard Valentine 6.15

Reasoning: Throughout the series, Luke is one of the very few characters that you can rely on. He’s always willing to help people out because he likes to fix things. He’s also consistently one of the most selfless characters on the show. This episode he is none of those things and it’s just embarrassing. In the episode, Logan and Rory invite Luke and Lorelai to vacation with them on Martha’s Vineyard around Valentine’s Day. Luke and Lorelai have been having problems, and while Lorelai can check them at the door in order to have a nice weekend, Luke cannot and he ends up being a complete jerk. Despite how low the writers make him, it’s still really hard to believe that he would just forget Valentine’s Day, knowing how much Lorelai means to him. It’s an out of character moment in an overall weak episode.

Soundbite: Lorelai Gilmore: Now, what else, what else, what else? The first people on the island of Martha’s Vineyard were Indians. Of the Wampanoag tribe. This tribe still makes up a large part of the town originally called Gayhead. Hmm. Figures. The Indians survived poverty and disease, then get stuck living in a place called Gayhead.

148. Always a Godmother, Never a God 6.04

Reasoning: This episode is a disaster. It’s actually painful to watch. Sookie is one of the sweetest, best most wonderful characters written on the show. She is always there for both of the girls in every situation and rarely asks for anything in return. In this episode, she bestows one of the highest honors on the girls that you can give. She asks them both to be the godmothers to her two children. But because the girls are fighting, they bring their drama with them to the ceremony and almost ruin everything. It’s so utterly disrespectful to pull this on Sookie after everything she’s done for them. The only redeeming quality about this episode is that Nick Offerman guest stars, and he’s hilarious.

Soundbite: Jackson – What about the time we had to see your stuttering Cousin Odell in the worst production of Nicholas Nickleby known to man? That was like nine hours of pure hell…

147. I’m OK, You’re OK 6.17

Reasoning:  This is another difficult episode to watch. Both of the Gilmore Girls claim they are okay, though it’s so clear to everyone on the show and the audience that they are not. Now sometimes this works, like in the episode “The Incredible Sinking Lorelais” (much further down this list). This episode though, this concept just fails. I’m not sure if it’s because season 6 is no where near as good as season 4, or if it’s just harder to see the girls pocket their emotions over these particular circumstances. Either way, it just doesn’t work. And the terrible cherry on top is when Rory goes to April’s store to essentially spy on her. This was something that was clearly not wanted by both Lorelai and Luke and it just feels icky.

Soundbite: Paris: You, Logan Huntzburger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled waste of a trust fund! You offer nothing to women or the world in general! If you were to disappear from the face of the earth tomorrow, the only person that would miss you is your Porsche dealer!

146. Go, Bulldogs! 7.06

Reasoning: Although we all know that Lorelai and Luke belong together and Christopher is the worst, it’s still nice to sometimes see the whole family together acting like a family. I appreciated Lorelai and Christopher attending Parent’s Weekend at Yale for Rory as a married couple. What I did not appreciate was Christopher trying to make everyone instantly like him by taking out all of Rory’s friends on the paper for a big expensive boozy lunch. It’s just Christopher trying to fast track things that take time, a problem he’s had for seven years on the show. It’s just infuriating to watch him still make the same mistakes and not have any growth as a character. Also Luke bizarrely takes an adult swim class and there’s really just no coming back from that.

Sample Soundbite: Lorelai – Hey, let’s be Laverne and Shirley. Christopher – What? No.Lorelai – Antony and Cleopatra? F. Scott and Zelda? Zinf… an… del?

145. Introducing Lorelai Planetarium 7.08

Reasoning: Lorelai Gilmore has made many mistakes in her life, yet the one I will never forgive her for is getting married without Rory being there. I felt like I was robbed and cheated. So I can only imagine how Rory felt. She not only missed her parents getting married, but her best friend’s marriage as well. This episode deals with those consequences. It’s a real betrayal to Rory, but also to the fans that have been there for seven years. It’s hard to look at Lorelai the same way again after this episode. The only positive about this episode is the hilarious side plot of the Grandparents donating money to Yale so they can name a building after Rory.

Soundbite: Lorelai – It’s so “Meet George Jetson! His boy, Elroy.”

144. To Live and Let Diorama 5.18

Reasoning: These three beautiful, intelligent fabulous ladies are demoted to blubbering insecure messes because of boys and alcohol. It’s a really sad sight to see. Lorelai also bashes her mother and her upbringing in a magazine interview, and at this point it’s just old. Many times throughout the series, Lorelai has insulted her mother in public forums and it hurts and embarrasses Emily.  I understand that those two have a complicated history, but at this point Lorelai should really be more thoughtful and careful regarding her mother’s feelings. This episode also features the last appearance by Dean. While he has never been a favorite of mine, he was a main character that appeared in over 60 episodes in the series. His final send off is a bitter exchange with Luke, telling him that he will never be good enough for the Gilmore world. It’s a really sad, awkward exchange, and Dean’s character deserved much better.

Soundbite: Luke –Rory was a kid, Dean. She grew up, she moved on – accept it”

143. He’s Slippin’ ‘Em Bread… Dig? 6.10

Reasoning: First off, Luke realizes he has a daughter and makes the conscious decision not to tell Lorelai. This is really the beginning of the end of their relationship. Speaking of relationships ending, Lane and Zack break up. Zack was an overgrown man child when he first guest starred in Season 3. But slowly over time we watch him evolve into a fully functioning, non selfish adult. Except he completely regresses into an even worse form of his self when he gets jealous that Brian wrote a song called ‘Lane.’ So instead of talking his issues out, he lashes out at everyone and ruins the band’s big gig. To add to the complete ridiculousness of the episode, Christopher magically inherits a ton of money and offers to give the girls anything their heart desires and it’s just lame.

Soundbite: Lorelai – Are you sure there’s nothing you want? A brewery, a Fabergé egg, or let’s see, what else did he mention? Um, paying for Yale through a Ph.D., uh, vacations, a cannon from the Civil War – functioning, by the way, so it’s not just show. It seemed like the sky was the limit, although he didn’t mention the Hoover Dam, so maybe there is a cap of some sort.

142. Secrets and Loans 2.11

Reasoning: This is a rare misstep from an otherwise really solid season. When Lorelai’s house gets termites, and she gets denied various bank loans, she refuses to go to her parents for help. They could lose their house, and yet still she won’t to go to them. And when Rory finally brings it up to her grandmother so they can get the help she needs, Lorelai yells at her for going against her wishes. It’s absurd and insulting at how childish she acts here. Besides Lorelai’s bad behavior and a lot of termites, this episode also features Lane randomly becoming a cheerleader…for one episode. Overall, this one is just weird.

Soundbite: Lorelai – Aw honey, it’s not the amount of places that turns you down that matters, it’s the quality of the place that turns you down that matters. And when you’ve got Jacko’s Loans and Stuff not wanting your business, you know it’s time to hang out with the Coreys.

141. Knit, People, Knit! 7.09

The common theme of season 7 is, oh look this could be a nice episode. Oh. No, wait. Christopher ruins it. Featuring an adorable Stars Hollow knitting event, this episode had the potential to be really fun. The series is always stronger when its supporting members are wandering about. Yet right when the event gets going, Christopher donates all the money needed in a bid to get people to like and accept him. Instead it just ends the event early and leaves everyone else feeling empty. While this obviously wasn’t his intention, it’s all just really silly. The one redeeming quality is that Liz and TJ become parents and Luke is the cutest.

Richard – Lorelai couldn’t have been more than, what, 8 or 10 years old? But she was very definite about the whole thing. She looked me directly in the eye, and she said, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry Tip O’Neill!”

140. Die, Jerk 4.08

Reasoning: Rory gets threatened by a mad ballerina after she writes her a negative review in the Yale Daily News. That’s pretty much the entire episode so. Also, lets all take a moment to be thankful that we are not on Paris’ enemies list.

Soundbite: Lorelai Gilmore: I wouldn’t dismiss it so fast Mom, the internet is more than just good porn now.

139. Santa’s Secret Stuff 7.11

Reasoning: Luke comes to Lorelai and asks her to write a character letter and she takes her time writing it. It’s only after she sees Luke interacting with April does she remember how great he was to Rory growing up, and then magically gets inspired to write the world’s greatest letter for him. Everyone knows how great Luke is and the fact that Lorelai needs to be reminded of that fact is just terrible.

Soundbite: Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. “I’m writing a letter, I can’t write a letter, why can’t I write a letter? I’m wearing a green dress, I wish I was wearing my blue dress, my blue dress is at the cleaners. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue, ‘Casablanca’ is such a good movie. Casablanca, the White House, Bush. Why don’t I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard. Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants!”

138. How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod 5.20

Reasoning: Logan makes it difficult to love him. This episode is a particularly trying time. Now that the two are officially together, we have to reevaluate their relationship with fresh eyes, like Lorelai does. She decides to go back to Friday Night Dinners in an attempt to get to know him better. And what we get is an immature thief who had no problem stealing Emily’s antique sewing kit just for kicks and giggles. What’s worse is that Rory lets him. Lorelai watches in disbelief as Emily immediately notices and Logan and Rory do nothing. It’s a weird, awful moment and so far from who these characters are.

Soundbite: Paris Geller: Sick people freak me out. Doyle: You’re pre-med!

137. Gilmore Girls Only 7.17 

Reasoning: This is an episode that centers around a character’s wedding that had only appeared in one prior episode, five seasons ago. Essentially this episode can be summed up in word, ‘meh.’

Soundbite: Lorelai – Hi, dad. Nice threads. Having lunch with Tony Soprano?

136. Cinnamon’s Wake 1.05

Reasoning: Usually episodes that focus on the eccentricities of the town folk are my favorite. But this episode is all a little too much, too early in the series. I don’t know and love everyone yet. Also the major story arc of the episode, doesn’t belong to either of the Gilmore Girls. We watch Babette mourn the loss of her cat, and the girls are just along for the ride. It’s such an odd choice for the show, only five episodes in its first season.

Soundbite: Lorelai: Well, I’m attracted to pie, doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie

135. Bridesmaids Revisited 6.16

Reasoning: Logan slept with an entire Bridal party and then left Rory alone with them and gave her no warning. Rory feels like Logan cheated on her because she thought they were just on a break. Logan thought they were broken up and rebounded, a lot. No matter where you fall on this issue, you cannot deny how crappy this situation is and how uncomfortable it is to watch.

Soundbite: Lorelai: I managed to find Uno and checkers, and also parts of Battleship and most of the pieces of Candyland. Which I figure, we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, Candyship Battleland. War never tasted so good!

134. Double Date 1.12 

Reasoning: This episode has two double dates. Lane asks Rory to set her up on a date with Deans’ best friend Tod. Meanwhile, Sookie asks Lorelai to go on a blind date with Jackson’s cousin Rune. This episode loses some points because of how rude Rune is to Lorelai. He constantly talks all night about how tall she is and it gets a bit much. Rory and Lane lie to Lorelai about the fact that Lane is going out on a date with a boy. Lane’s date was also terrible, after she insisted that Tod was her soulmate. The redeeming qualities in this episode are that by the end of the night Sookie and Jackson have a great first date, and there is a sweet moment between Luke and Lorelai when they are playing cards.

Soundbite: Lorelai: I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.

133. Merry Fisticuffs 7.10

Reasoning: This episode is not very merry. Although there is a sweet moment between Lorelai and Luke, it’s otherwise pretty much a dud. Luke and Christopher get into a massive fight in the middle of Stars Hollow and Logan reveals to Lucy that Rory and Marty actually knew each other before they were introduced a few days ago. Both of these acts were kind of justified, but overall have an ickiness to them.

Soundbite: Lorelai – What about, instead of La bohème, we took our inspiration from Rent – East Village, 1985, rickety tables, chipped glassware?

132. Concert Interuptus 1.13

Reasoning: A rare weak episode from season one, where the main plot centers around Lorelai, Sookie, Rory and her school friends going to a Bangles concert. With way too many improbable things happening, and no significant sub plot either, this episode is almost boring. The ending also feels to, ‘after school programing/lesson of the week’ which is soooo not Gilmore Girls.The only positive is a first glimmer at the Rory/ Paris friendship.

Soundbite: Paris – So unless you want to sit on no furniture while watching three Harvey Fierstein impersonators rip up the carpet and paint everything a ridiculous shade of white and call it ‘angel’s kiss’ then we’re going to have to find somebody else’s house to go to.

131. Lorelai Out of Water 3.12

Reasoning: So many things are just wrong in this episode. Rory and Paris have an embarrassing fight that’s just awkward and bad because at this point in their friendship, there really should be more trust and understanding. Lorelai has Luke teach her how to fish so she can impress a boy. Luke then in turn asks out a random lawyer that is so not his type. And Mrs. Kim tells Lane that she can’t go to Prom with Dave.

Soundbite: Sure, we’re girls, so we could only be arguing about a boy, right? Sexist, white-haired –– Paris

130. Chicken or Beef? 4.04

Reasoning: Rory is back home in Stars Hollow on the weekend of Dean’s wedding. Rory runs into Dean and he invites Rory and Lorelai to his wedding. Rory and Lorelai decide they will go to the wedding, even though it is extremely awkward. Later on in the episode Dean and his bachelor party wind up at Luke’s, where an extremely drunk Dean professes his love for Rory and talks about how she is the one. Dean is marrying Lindsay even though he still has feelings for Rory, a recipe for disater. Michel also thinks that Lorelai and Sookie don’t want him to work at the Dragon Fly with them, which is sad after all these years they have been working together. Sookie and Lorelai have to convince him otherwise.

Soundbite: Lorelai – It’s a 23-year-old porch. Unless you think Kate Hudson is historical, it’s not historical.

129. Farewell, My Pet 7.14

Reasoning: Although Michel was a series regular for seven seasons on the show, he was rarely utilized and had very little plot lines that were exclusively his. This episode however he gets his own story line and it’s heartbreaking. One of the few basic facts we get about Michel is that he has two dogs that he loves more than anything in this world. For reasons unbeknownst to me, they decided to kill off one of his dogs. It was sad and felt really unnecessary. To top it off, Rory develops a weird crush on her Grandpa’s TA and then feels guilty about it because she’s dating Logan. On a positive note, Lorelai finally realizes Christopher is not the one.

Soundbite:  Lorelai: I need you to know that you’re the man that I want to want.

128. That Damn Donna Reed 1.14

Reasoning: Dean and Rory get into a big fight about the Donna Reed Show. Dean likes the idea of having a 50s housewife. Rory who is against this idea, winds up dressing up and cooking a big dinner for Dean. This extremely unlike Rory’s character who is a very smart, and strong woman who doesn’t let men define her actions. This is just very problematic and sexist. However, this episode does have Luke coming to the rescue when Lorelai needs help finding Rory’s baby chick who has gone missing in the house.

Soundbite: Rory – Well said, Sister Suffragette.

127. The Long Morrow 7.01

Reasoning: Where to begin? Though she gave Luke an ultimatum that he did not follow though on, it’s still unfair and stupid of her to end up in Christopher’s bed. While the episode itself is well written, and the end scene between Luke and Lorelai when he finally finds out that she slept with Christopher is powerful and well acted, the whole story line in general is just ridiculous. How many times must Lorelai destroy a relationship because of Christopher? Logan also leaves Rory a bizarre present that she must decode in order to better understand his intentions. It’s the first episode to air that did not have creator and writer Amy Sherman Palladino, and it was quite apparent by the end of the episode that she was gone and the series was not the same.

Soundbite: Paris: She’s got a C average which means she’s either lazy or stupid. I can work with either. Frankly sometimes stupid is easier. I can scare the stupid out of you, but the lazy runs deep.

126. The Lorelai’s First Day at Chilton 1.02

Reasoning: Though Rory is ready for her first big day at Chilton, Lorelai is not. After oversleeping and with no clean clothes, Lorelai is not ready for her equally as important day. While Rory has to adjust to her new classes, mean girls and boys, Lorelai must navigate the Headmaster, Chilton parents, and her own mother. This episode deserves to be much higher, except I will never be able to forgive or accept Lorelai having ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in her house except an outfit out of Daisy Duke’s closet. Surely there must have been something better in her or Rory’s closet? This episode is mirrored to Season 4’s “The Lorelai’s First Day at Yale” and that episode is everything a first day should be. When watching this episode it becomes clear how bad it is.

Soundbite: Lorelai: That’s the last time I buy something just because its furry.

125. I’d Rather Be in Philadelphia 7.13

Reasoning:  Richard falls ill and his girls drop everything they are doing to be by his side. Overall this would have been a really good episode. Except they had already done it, back in season one. Literally the exact same plot, down to Lorelai being stressed and Luke coming in on his white horse and saving her and her family. It’s like the writers got bored and asked themselves which plot line they could recycle from season one. Totally lame.

Soundbite: Babette: He’s like Warren Beatty, your dad – or Sean Connery or – who’s that one I always found so sexy? The evil politician with the glasses – Henry Kissinger!

124. I Solemnly Swear 3.11

Reasoning: Francie, even though she’s transparently evil, somehow gets two intelligent friends to completely turn on each other. The Paris/Rory friendship is one of my favorite stories and it’s such a pity that they destroyed it in this episode. Besides that it’s a pretty lackluster episode. Sookie meets an old acquaintance and doesn’t realize he wants to take her on a date. Sookie then feels guilty because she thinks she accidentally cheated on Jackson which is absolutely ridiculous. Lorelai also meets Alex this episode who is a solid filler boyfriend, except he’s only around for three episodes. If they needed space to fill I would have preferred her by herself for a little bit. I don’t know why they felt the need to give her a short lived boyfriend. Also Lorelai gets deposed when one of her mother’s maids sues her and she says some pretty nasty things about Emily. Those two definitely have their issues, but Emily is not as bad as Lorelai thinks.

Soundbite: Emily – (about her German maid, Gertha) Every time she went to the pantry, I thought she was marching on Poland.

123. An Affair to Remember 4.06

Reasoning: I have lived in a suite with other girls during college, and I understand the study struggle. But Rory traveling all across her campus, and her hometown in search of the perfect spot to do her homework is a bit much. Especially when she pays a guy to give up the tree stump he’s sitting at so she can study there. The series also never shows Rory at her all important giving tree again to study, making this a pretty forgettable episode.

Soundbite: “Lorelai – Is that Condoleezza Rice?
Kirk – Yes, it is. I’m a fan, and her big mouth is perfect for shoving mail in”

122. The Fundamental Things Apply 4.05

Reasoning: Two words. URINE. MINTS.

Soundbite: Lorelai: Ok, just one more warning: When they showed the first motion picture over 100 years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, and people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen…

121. Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too 5.04

Reasoning: Jackson runs for Town Selectman against Taylor. Jackson wins by a landslide, which leaves Taylor heartbroken because this is all Taylor has in his life. It’s really heartbreaking, and what’s even worse is that Jackson doesn’t even really want to be selectman. Dean and Rory are also officially back together and are having a hard time finding a place to be alone. I think we can all admit that Dean and Rory getting back together is one of the worst plot lines in the series.

Soundbite: Rory: “I’m late for class and you put a printing press on my book bag”

120. The Real Paul Anka 6.18

Reasoning: This is a nice episode, but it loses all of its points because it’s the one where Jess is a fully functioning adult and Rory turns him down because she prefers her melodramatic blonde man child Logan instead. WHY RORY WHY.

Soundbite: Robert – Oh, my God. I’m not wearing my glasses.Colin – They flew off when you did that impression of the old guy getting shot by Dick Cheney.

119. The Third Lorelai 1.18

Reasoning: When Lorelai’s grandmother, Lorelai the first or Trix, comes to town she causes major problems for both Lorelai and Emily. She offers to enact Rory’s trust fund so she wouldn’t have to use her grandparents or Lorelai for financial support. Both women freak out, worried that they could lose Rory. While the episode has its amusing moments, and introduces the great reoccurring character of Trix, ultimately it falls short. It adds nothing to the overall arc of season 1 and both Emily and Lorelai overact. Rory would never cut either one of them out of her life and its surprising and a little insulting to see them both react like that.

Soundbite: Louise Grant: Those who simply wait for information to find them spend a lot of time sitting by the phone. Those who find it themselves have something to say when it rings. Rory: Nietzsche? Louise Grant: Dawson. Rory: My next guess.

118. Hey Bale Maze 7.18 

Reasoning: Logan comes to visit Stars Hollow for the first time, the same weekend as there is a big Hay Bale Maze that takes up the whole town. Lorelai feels as though Logan is irresponsible, and isn’t taking anything seriously especially after he just lost millions of dollars in his bad business venture. Things are just extremely awkward between Lorelai and Logan the whole trip. Eventually they wind up have a conversation over pie in the middle of the night, and Lorelai starts to understand Logan more. We see that Logan has a lot of growing up to do still, and a long way until Lorelai fully trusts him. The best thing about this episode is the moment in he maze where Luke and Lorelai talk and apologize to each other for everything that happened, and decide they are okay again.

Soundbite: Logan – It’s like Colonial Williamsburg with fewer knickers and tricorne hats.

117. Women of Questionable Morals 5.11

Reasoning: The main plot of this episode bothers me. When Christopher’s dad dies, both girls go over separately to comfort him. Lorelai brings over alcohol and the two get drunk together. The worst part? Lorelai doesn’t tell Luke and flat out lies to him when he asks why she isn’t feeling well. The two are in a fully functioning adult relationship, and Lorelai screwed them both over when she decided to hide Christopher. Luke is her lobster, and you don’t like that to your lobster. However, the subplot of this episode is Stars Hollow genius. During the town reenactment, Kirk has to dress like a woman in order to seduce Taylor Doose to save America from the British and it’s genius.

Soundbite: Lorelai: The only bright side of my day is being asked to be a prostitute.

116. Paris Is Burning 1.11

Reasoning: It’s another bizarre episode. The main plot centers around Lorelai and Max trying to make their relationship work. Max wants to get serious, and Lorelai gets scared and wants out. Now she is entitled to her ridiculous feelings, but not when it comes to involving Rory. All we’ve heard about Lorelai’s love life is that she refuses to involve Rory and that she’s protected her from getting hurt. Yet she throws everything out the window this episode when she asks Rory to basically break up with Max for her, which is even worse because he is Rory’s teacher. Then when they sort of reconcile in the same episode, Lorelai has Max up on the chalk board and of course Paris sees. It’s totally irresponsible, stupid and out of character and it’s awful to watch. When Rory freaks out and her mom, it’s completely justified.

Soundbite: Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, you will not stand there singing Ricky Martin songs to me. This is not a pattern ok? I’m not doing what I always do. This is not the same.

115. It’s Just Like Riding a Bike 7.19

Reasoning: After almost a full season of Lorelai avoiding Luke’s, she finally re enters it for the first time. Regardless of how awkward it is, it is still a milestone. Of course the rest of the episode is pretty silly because Lorelai’s Jeep breaks down and she refuses to get a new one which leads to a blow up fight with Luke in a car dealership. But hey, it’s season 7, so we take the small victories when we get them.

Soundbite: Lorelai – Yeah, you know how Jack Bauer should torture terrorists? Make them go car shopping with their exes.

114. I’m a Kayak, Hear Me Roar 7.15

Reasoning: Lorelai finally tells Emily that her marriage to Christopher is over, and she acts quite coldly. It’s understandable, but also extremely disappointing. Lorelai and Emily have a complicated and constantly evolving relationship, and while it’s always interesting to watch these two talented ladies act, it just feels like this chapter in their relationship has already played out.

Soundbite: Rory: I’ve been Huntzbergered

113. To Whom It May Concern 7.12

Reasoning: THIS IS THE EPISODE WHERE LORELAI AND CHRISTOPHER REALIZE THAT SHE IS STILL IN LOVE WITH LUKE. HOORAY HOORAH. Just try to ignore that Richard collapses while teaching. And Jackson didn’t get his vasectomy so Sookie got pregnant again. And And Rory inadvertently broke up Lucy and Marty. But Lorelai can see his face so…

Soundbite: Paris: Oh, so now she’s decided to just ignore you? How very Heathers of her.

112. The Perfect Dress 6.11

Reasoning: This episode really marks the downfall of the Lorelai/Luke relationship. Lorelai happily shops and plans for her wedding with Sookie, as Luke meets up with April and learns about his daughter. I have no doubt in my mind that Lorelai would have accepted April. It would have been a serious adjustment in the relationship, but she loves Luke and she’s great with kids. But Luke never gave her that opportunity, and he consciously made that decision in this episode.

Soundbite: Paris Geller: It’s going to be a great term, people. An important term. A term to change the history of the Yale Daily News. The work will be hard. It has to be hard. Nothing less than perfect will be tolerated. Please remember that I am your editor. I am not your mother, or your hugger. If you need some love, get a hooker. If you’re having a bad day, find a ledge or way to deal. My door is not open to you, ever. You have five minutes to enjoy your cookies. Welcome to the Yale Daily News.

111. The Ins and Outs of Inns 2.8

Reasoning: Since the beginning of the series, Lorelai and Sookie have dreamed of opening their own inn. Yet at the first hint of opportunity, Lorelai panics and backtracks on all of her promises to her best friend. Sookie is hurt and confused and rightfully so and the two enter their first really bad fight. It’s just Lorelai being painfully selfish and it’s sad to see her do it to the one person that doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body.

Soundbite: Lorelai: Oh my God! Sookie: What? Lorelai: It’s the title search for the Rachel property. And guess who owns it! Sookie: Tell me it’s not that bastard Donald Trump.

110. The UnGraduate 6.03

Reasoning: This is a pretty bland episode during the dark period of Lorelai and Rory’s separation. Rory joins the DAR and begins her downward spiral of becoming Emily’s clone. The episode does have some merits. Luke watches Paul Anka and adorably takes care of him when he eats chocolate, and TJ believes he is the contractor on Lorelai’s house which leads to some pretty funny moments.

Soundbite: 

Michel Gerard: She’s back! She’s coming back!

Lorelai: Why?

Michel Gerard: I don’t know why. Maybe she left her phone. Or spell book.

109. Happy Birthday, Baby 3.18

Reasoning: I confess, I’m not entirely sure why I placed this episode here because no matter how many times I watch this episode, I usually forget it almost immediately. Besides the opening scene where Rory tells her grandparents she is going to Yale, nothing else major happens in this episode. I’m sure it’s a solid episode, but until I remember those facts, I’m just going to leave this episode here.

Soundbite: Jackson Belleville: I have got a sobbing pregnant woman at home, which is not unusual except this time I didn’t cause it!

108. The Nanny and the Professor 4.10

Reasoning: Paris begins dating Rory’s professor at Yale who is at least forty years older than Paris. Granted, he’s Michael York, so it’s kind of okay, but also no. I’m Team Rory on this conflict. It’s awkward and weird, especially since Paris was dating a really good guy up until this point. This episode does have some merits. This marks the first episode where Lane begins working at Luke’s Diner and Michel shares a cute funny scene with Lorelai while watching Sookie’s son Davey. We also get to meet Jason’s bizarre dog, Cyrus and the hilarious members of the historical society getting a tour of the Gilmore’s house.

Soundbite: Lorelai – I’m sorry, it’s just…now I know who Woody Allen’s next leading lady’s gonna be.

107. Welcome to the Dollhouse 6.06

Reasoning: I have a lot of mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, while a lot of season 6 blends together and is indistinguishable from each other, this episode clearly stands out with memorable story lines. However the main plot of this episode kills me. Taylor changes the street names back to their original names to represent historic Stars Hollow. It’s a cute idea, until Loreali gets stuck with ‘Sores and Boils Alley.’ She throws many tantrums when she doesn’t get her way, but this one is completely justified. Taylor was being completely ridiculous. The huge redeeming quality of this episode is Richard finally realizing that Rory is in trouble. He adorably returns Lorelai’s dollhouse to her after Emily threatens to throw it out and asks her what to do about Rory. These two have very few sweet moments and him returning her dollhouse is one of their best moments.

Soundbite:  Logan – No. This is cool. I got a tree stump I can use as a boost out here. Or you can let down your hair.

106. Eight O’Clock at the Oasis 3.05

Reasoning: This is another bad episode, but it’s hilariously bad and definitely a classic Gilmore Girls moment. Lorelai’s new neighbor is really weird and overbearing and upon meeting her immediately asks her to water his lawn. Lorelai and Rory both get stuck doing this job with really funny consequences. Bonus points to this episode for having Jon Hamm guest star as the world’s most attractive yet boring date. Ultimately though, this episode falls short. Season three is arguably its best most consistent season, and this episode is definitely at the bottom of it. It does nothing to move the plot forward and our bizarre neighbor never makes another appearance again. Maybe his ex wife killed him?

Soundbite: Lorelai Gilmore: [on telephone] Hi, yes. I was at your auction yesterday, I was wondering if you could help me? I met a man there, and I would like to contact him, but I didn’t get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number 17, and – Oh, right. – Confidential. Got it. Well you know actually I misspoke earlier because this isn’t a complete stranger I’m trying to contact here, he’s an old friend from school – Good question. Well I don’t know his name because I only knew him by his nickname, uh, Shamu, we called him Shamu, kind of a big guy in high school; he’s slimmed down quite a bit. No, see, I don’t have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence! See, Shamu and I went into a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together, and we tore it, and I took half and he took half, and I’ll be damned if the thing didn’t win! Fourteen million dollars! Really. But see, we have to claim it by 4 p.m. today or we forfeit – Ah, yes. Oh. Well. But there’s one more thing that I forgot to tell you, see, um, my blood type is O negative and he’s O negative and I have a medical condition that – All right then. Well thank you, anyway. Bye.

105. Lost And Found 2.15

Reasoning: It’s kind of a bland episode. Rory finally realizes her bracelet is missing and when Jess realizes how frantic and upset she is without it, and returns it. The real gem of the episode is Luke realizing his apartment is too small for both he and Jess. Though he originally looks at some nice reasonable apartments, he ends up just buying the whole building the diner is in because he’s Luke.

Soundbite: Luke: I just spent a hundred thousand dollars and it’s all your fault! Lorelai: Oh. Good.

104. Will You Be My Lorelai Gilmore? 7.16

Reasoning: This is another weird episode with a lot of negatives, and one huge positive. While it has many short comings, the episode ultimately wins with one perfect scene. Lane is put on bed-rest right before her baby shower. Mrs. Kim refuses to let her daughter miss her big day, so she transports her there on her bed. She, along with Lorelai, Rory and Zack hilariously and wonderfully push the bed through Stars Hollow and it’s magical and perfect.

Soundbite: Rory: Oh my God! The New York Times is calling me! And not the subscriptions department!

103. Here Comes the Son 3.21

Reasoning: In this episode Jess leaves Stars Hollow without saying anything to Rory and goes to California to see his Dad. Also in this is Rory is preparing for graduation from Chilton, and is extremely over worked and stressed. This episode is terrible because Jess leaves without saying anything to Rory or even to Luke. Jess is being very ungrateful and rude. Which is really upsetting because we were all rooting for Jess to be a better person. Jess first shows up in California, without any notice to his Dad might I add, he doesn’t have a plan for how long he’s going to be in California for or what he’s going to do once he’s there. It is nice to see towards the end that Jess’ father warms up to the idea of him there and he agrees to let him stay. Also, how could we forget that we learn at the end of the episode that all of Rory’s hard-work has paid off and she gets what she wants and is the Valedictorian of her class.

102. Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom! 4.18

Reasoning: A lot of bad things happen in this happen episode, which originally had it farther down in the list. But upon re watching, I realized this is a strong episode for acting, and I’m a sucker for Friday Night Dinners falling apart. The scene with when Floyd reveals to the Gilmores that he is going to sue them AND that their children have been dating for months, is pretty fabulous. It deserves to have a better first half of an episode, but what can you do?

Soundbite: Kirk Gleason: We won’t let you down, Taylor, because not only are we going to find 20 eggs within the hour but we’re going on to find 25 and then 30 and then 35 and then 40 and then 45 and then 50 until we find all 59 and take back the square!

101. We Got Us a Pippi Virgin 5.05

Reasoning: This is probably the most awkward episode of the entire series. Lorelai and Luke go out on a double date with Rory and Dean and Luke is just not having it. He thinks Rory is just wasting time with Dean and makes everyone’s time on the date miserable. Though it’s not a great episode, it’s lower down on the list because of how iconic it’s become. ‘We got us a Pippi Virgin’ is one of the most memorable lines of the series, and the four of them playing Bop It is nothing short of hilarious.

Soundbite: Emily: Our days never included Richard dressing up like that gay fellow whose tiger tried to eat him.

100. Say Goodnight, Gracie 3.20

Reasoning: Positives of this episode, Fran dies. As terrible as that sentence is, it brings Lorelai and Sookie one step closer to making their dream of opening their own inn a reality. This pushes the plot further and faster than anything else this season. Negatives of the episode, Jess decides to leave and Dean gets engaged. It’s disappointing to see Jess just run away from his problems, and Dean was too young to get engaged.

Soundbite: Lorelai: So, not only did you GO to a cop raided party, but you were the cause of the fight that caused the raid! Rory: Yes…Lorelai: [singing] Did you ever know that you’re my heeero. You’re everything I wish I could be!

99. Afterboom 4.19

Reasoning: Although this episode is filled with drama, it’s just not the fun kind. Luke and Nicole get a divorce which is great! But Jason ends up suing Richard, putting Lor in a tough position. Emily and Richard also have a huge fight which leads into their separation.

98. Just Like Gwen and Gavin 6.12

97. Lorelai’s First Cotillion 7.03

96. Dead Uncles And Vegetables 2.17

95. Richard in Stars Hollow 2.12

94. New and Improved Lorelai 6.01

Reasoning: In this episode Luke and Lorelai celebrate the fact that they are engaged, but Luke becomes embarrassed when words begins to spread that Lorelai is the one to propose. Lorelai tells Richard and Emily that Rory is not their responsibility and she won’t help them out, and Rory gets up to 300 hours of community service. It’s great that Luke and Lorelai are finally engaged, we have been rooting for them since they had their first kiss during the season 4 finale. It’s just strange to see Rory, a smart and successful girl, picking up trash on the side of the road. It’s even weirder that the mother-daughter duo not even speaking.

93. ‘S Wonderful, ‘S Marvelous 7.04

92. Come Home 5.12

91. In the Clamor and the Clangor 4.11

90. Emily Says Hello 5.09

89. Back in the Saddle 2.18

88. Help Wanted 2.20

87. Blame Booze and Melville 5.21

Reasoning: In this episode Lorelai’s article about the Dragonfly comes out, and Luke and Lorelai celebrate with a trip to New York in which they get very drunk and end up having sex. Sookie has her baby and tells Jackson she wants him to get a vasectomy. ad while Lorelai is at the hospital she thinks she might be pregnant. Lorelai has to finally tell Emily that the article about the Dragonfly has come out, and have her read all the nasty things she said about her mom in the article. Lastly, Mitchum gives Rory a performance review and tell her that she doesn’t have it, which Leads Rory to want to steal a boat with Logan. First of all, it’s really childish that Lorelai is writing an article about her Inn and can’t even control her own thoughts when it comes to her mother. i also understand Rory being upset and needing to do something to make herself feel better, but stealing a boat really? It’s not only illegal but it’s just hard to believe that Rory, who always thinks through, would do something like this.

86. Norman Mailer, I’m Pregnant! 5.06

85. Unto the Breach 7.21

84. Kiss and Tell 1.07

Reasoning: In this episode Rory and Dean kiss for the very first time. They kiss in Doose’s market while he is working. He kisses her, she says thank you,and then she runs out of the market with a box of cornstarch which she shoplifts. The whole town is talking about it, but Rory is scared to talk to her mom about it. While this makes for a very cute first kiss story, it just seems extremely cliche. Plus Rory not telling her mom about the kiss is not how their relationship works. Rory and Lorelai tell each other everything and for Lorelai to have to find out her daughter has been kissed for the first time from people in Stars Hollow must have felt horrible and like she made it so her daughter can’t talk to her about things that happen with guys.

83. The Road Trip to Harvard 2.4

Reasoning: The Gilmore girls set out on a New England road trip, after Lorelai calls off her wedding at the last minute. The episode is a bit of a letdown because we just watch Lorelai run away from her problems instead of dealing with them. The episode doesn’t move any major season plots along for any of the characters, and though Lorelai and Rory are constantly on the move, they just really seem to be standing still. The episode does have some funny moments though and it’s the first time Rory sees Harvard.

82. Twenty-One Is the Loneliest Number 6.07

81. The Deer Hunters 1.04

80. Hammers and Veils 2.2

79. Jews and Chinese Food 5.15

78. Kill Me Now 1.03

77. A Messenger, Nothing More 5.02

76. The Breakup Part II 1.17

75. Driving Miss Gilmore 6.21

74. Face-Off 3.15

73. One’s Got Class and the Other One Dyes 3.04

72. The Hobbit, the Sofa, and Digger Stiles 4.03

71. Super Cool Party People 6.20

70. Like Mother, Like Daughter 2.07 

Reasoning: When the Gilmore girls are scolded by Chilton for their lack of involvement in the school, Rory tries making new friends by sitting down at a random table, and Lorelai joins Booster Club. Nothing goes as planned though when Rory accidentally joins a sorority and Lorelai hosts a Chilton even at the Inn with her mother. Though there isn’t a lot going on plot-wise in this episode, it’s super breezy and lots of fun. Watching Lorelai and Emily model mother-daughter outfits in front of an audience is nothing short of delightful. Points are lost though because this episode introduces us to Francie, and she’s just the worst.

69. Pulp Friction 5.17

68. Application Anxiety 3.03

67. Emily in Wonderland 1.19

66. The Party’s Over 5.08

65. Swan Song 3.14

64. A Family Matter 4.12

63. Keg! Max! 3.19

Reasoning: In this episode we see the return of Max when Lorelai helps with the Chilton booster club. Max tells Lorelai that he wants some space from her, and we finally get some sort of closure for their love story. Jess learns that he can’t get tickets for the prom for him and Rory because he has missed too much school and has to repeat his senior year over and won’t be graduating. Also in this episode Lane’s band plays at a house party, and things get out of hand. Lane drunkenly calls her mom. Jess and Dean get into a horrible fight after Jess tries to pressure Rory into having sex and Dean see’s her upset and crying. The fight leads to the party being broken up by the police. Jess’ inability to talk to Rory about what he has been going on leads him to treat Rory horribly,and she doesn’t deserve that. Luke also tells Jess that if he isn’t going to finish high school then he needs to leave Stars Hollow. Jess had come such a long way from the bad boy he was when we first met him, and to see him go back to that is just heartbreaking.

62. Say Goodbye To Daisy Miller 5.01

61. The Reigning Lorelai 4.16

60. You’ve Been Gilmored 6.14

59. Take the Deviled Eggs…3.06

58. Run Away, Little Boy 2.09

Reasoning: Rory is put into an awkward situation when she is paired with Tristan in a scene from Romeo and Juliet for school. Dean becomes jealous and Tristan encourages in forcing Rory in the middle. Meanwhile Lorelai goes on her first date since Max with a much younger guy, much to the general laughter of the town. A solid, funny episode that provides a great Luke/Lorelai moment and brings about a great close to Tristan’s character. Actor Chad Michael Murray left the show to go star in his own tv series. The writers and actors do a great job at sending his character off. While I am still disappointed that Rory and Tristan did not kiss for the scene, I can almost forgive the writers because it allowed Paris to act and direct Romeo and Juliet.

57. A Tale of Poes and Fire 3.17

56. Ballrooms and Biscotti 4.01

55. Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin’ the Twist 4.17

54. Ted Koppel’s Big Night Out 4.09

53. Scene in a Mall 4.15

52. Lorelai? Lorelai? 7.20

51. There’s The Rub 2.16

Reasoning: Two words: Vicious Trollop.

50. Red Light on the Wedding Night 2.3

Reasoning: With Lorelai and Max’s wedding drawing closer, the two finally understand for the first time what married life will really look like for them. With little fights getting bigger and bigger it becomes painfully clear to Lorelai and the audience that Max is not the man for her. Though the two both act a little immature and ultimately the writers treat Max’s character a little worse than Lorelai, the writers do a great job at showing us why the two aren’t going to work, rather than just telling us. The highlight of the episode is Lorelai’s Bachelorette party complete with Emily Gilmore, Michel dancing with drag queens, and a drunken phone call to Christopher to put everything into perspective.

49. Star Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers 1.16 

Reasoning: To commemorate the founding of Stars Hollow, every year the town hosts the Firelight Festival to honor the star crossed lovers believed to have founded the town. The festival happens to coincide with Rory and Dean’s three month anniversary, though things get complicated for them when Rory can’t say ‘I Love You.’ Lorelai realizes she misses Max and goes to see him, though she’s dismayed when Luke’s ex girlfriend Rachel shows up, and Luke’s not sure what to do. This is one of the first episode’s that really highlights Stars Hollow and the episode shines because of it. With love in the air, the episode is really sweet for Lorelai, Max and Luke and bittersweet for Rory and Dean.

48. P.S. I Lo… 1.20

47. Love & War & Snow 1.08

46. It Should Have Been Lorelai 2.14

45. Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy 2.05 

Reasoning: Everything changes for the Gilmore girls and Stars Hollow when Luke decides to take in his troubled 17 year old nephew Jess. He causes problems wherever he goes, resulting in Luke and Lorelai having their first major fight of the series. Though he seems like a rotten egg, Jess has an interesting conversation with Rory that proves there is more to him than his hair gel and cigarettes. Incredibly funny this episode is important because it marks the first appearance of fan favorite Jess, brings about a satisfying conclusion to the Max storyline, and offers the iconic Gilmore Girls moment of Luke pushing Jess into the lake.

44. Sadie Sadie… 2.01

43. But I’m a Gilmore! 5.19

42. The Big One 3.16

41. But Not As Cute as Pushkin 5.10

40. So…Good Talk 5.16

39. Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel 4.13

38. I Get a Sidekick Out of You 6.19

37. Say Something 5.14

36. The Prodigal Daughter Returns 6.09

35. Teach Me Tonight 2.19

34. We’ve Got Magic to Do 6.05

33. Partings 6.22

32. 

31. Christopher Returns 1.15 

Reasoning: For the entire half of the first season all fans could wonder about was who was the man that got Lorelai pregnant at 16. He had to be Lorelai’s equal in every single way, funny, smart, gorgeous, and charming. It seemed like an impossible feat, until David Sutcliff removed his motorcycle helmet, and everyone just instantly understood. Even Lorelai/Luke shippers couldn’t deny the natural ease and chemistry the two actors had. This episode marks the first time Christopher comes to Stars Hollow, and while Rory is excited to show off her dad, Lorelai is anxious and worried. The episode brings about so many issues that had been buried away for so long, when it all comes to head at a Friday Night Dinner to remember when Rory, Lorelai and Christopher and their respective parents are all in the same room for the first time.

30. Haunted Leg 3.02

29. Rory’s Birthday Parties 1.06 

Reasoning: When Rory turns 16, both Emily and Lorelai throw her a party. Though it looks like both of Rory’s worlds (Chilton/Grandparents and Stars Hollow) will remain separate, a last minute decision by the Grandparents finally sends them to Stars Hollow. It’s an episode that combines comedy, the Gilmores trying to interact with friends and neighbors and drama, Emily finally realizing just how much she missed in both of her girls lives, perfectly. The best scene of the episode though is when Lorelai and Emily have a terrible fight. The two are consistently the best actors on the show and they really shine here.

28. Presenting Lorelei Gilmore 2.06

27. Those Lazy Hazy Crazy Days 3.01

26. That’ll Do Pig 3.10

25. Let the Games Begin 3.08

24. Written in the Stars 5.03

23. The Incredible Sinking Lorelais 4.14

22. Lorelai’s Graduation Day 2.21

21. The Festival of Living Art 4.07

20. A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving 3.09

19. Rory’s Dance 1.09

18. Forgiveness and Stuff 1.10

17. A-Tisket, A-Tasket 2.13

16. You Jump, I Jump, Jack 5.07

15. Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out 6.08

14. A House Is Not a Home 5.22

13. Dear Emily and Richard 3.13

12. Love, Daisies and Troubadours 1.21

11. The Lorelais’ First Day at Yale 4.02

10. Last Week Fights, This Week Tights 4.21

9. The Bracebridge Dinner 2.10 

Reasoning: Lorelai invites the entire town to the Inn where she throws an elaborate medieval dinner party and hilarity and drama ensues. Rory tries to keep Dean and Jess in check, while Richard reveals to Emily that he actually retired. This episode is pure perfection. It features all the supporting characters we love, and will always be remembered as a classic Gilmore Girls episode.

8. Pilot 1.01

7. Friday Night’s Alright for Fighting 6.13

6. They Shoot Gilmores, Don’t They? 3.07

5. Those Are Strings, Pinocchio 3.22

4. I Can’t Get Started 2.22

3. Wedding Bell Blues 5.13

2. Bon Voyage 7.22

1. Raincoats and Recipes 4.22

Oi with the poodles already, what did y’all think? As always sound off in the comments section below.

Why I’m Upset Over The Election Results; And Why That’s Okay

Two days after the election, and I’m still crying. I’m in mourning for Hillary. I’m grieving for my country. I’m scared of what’s to come. I’m afraid of what will happen to me.

My father was a history teacher and a town councilman, and he instilled in me a love of this country, an understanding of our past and the ability to comprehend The West Wing at an absurdly young age. I grew up watching the elections with an awed sense of reverence. It was exciting to watch our democracy work and I couldn’t wait to vote myself.

I remember one day when I was quite little asking my father if I could grow up to be President of the United States. He said of course I could, and went out and bought me a t-shirt that “future president of the USA.” I believed him that day and every day that followed after that.

Until two days ago that is.

Hillary Clinton lost the presidency of the United States, and she lost it to a less qualified, racist, sexist monster.

Donald Trump ran under the idea that he was a successful businessman. In actuality, he declared bankruptcy 6 times. And that doesn’t include all his business projects that just failed and did not declare bankruptcy. I’m listing them here in entirety because it’s funny and sad at the same time. (Tour de Trump!)

Trump Steaks
GoTrump (online travel site)
Trump Airlines
Trump Vodka
Trump Mortgage
Trump: The Game
Trump Magazine
Trump University
Trump Ice (bottled water)
The New Jersey Generals (pro football team)
Tour de Trump (bicycle race)
Trump Network (nutritional supplements)
Trumped! (syndicated radio spot)

Recently, I’ve been thinking of getting involved in politics, and when I’ve told people, I’ve gotten pretty much the same response. People first respond with that’s so sweet, followed swiftly by ‘but you have no experience.’ I point out that neither did Trump. They just laugh and say it’s different.

But wait, how is it? Seriously I want to know.

How is it revolutionary when we want to give the highest office in the land to a man with no experience, but we continuously chastised a woman for ‘being too prepared.’

It sounds like blatant sexism to me, but when I’ve said this, a lot of people disagreed with me and said I’m exaggerating.  So I held my tongue and anxiously awaited the results of the election. And now that they are in- I’ve learned a lot.

America is sexist. And it’s way more sexist than I ever imagined.

Was Hillary a perfect candidate? No.

But Donald Trump has had 10+ women come and out and say he sexually assaulted them, and recently had the Ku Klux Klan, one of the darkest parts of our history, come forward and endorse him because of his vision of the future.

This was when I started getting involved in her campaign. I broke past the lazy, uncaring millennial stereotype and did something. I donated time, effort and money. I campaigned for her, gave out signs, and called voters to get them to the polls. I felt incredible volunteering, and was more emotionally invested in this campaign then any other before this. I couldn’t wait to tell my kids that I worked on the campaign that helped elect the first woman president.

And yet on election night we still elected him as President.

I was broken. All I could think was how much does my country hate my sex that they could ignore everything about Trump? The White House was built by slaves. And the country elected a man repeatedly endorsed by the KKK. The White House was completed 216  years ago. How far have we really come in that time?

It’s sobering thoughts like that, that caused me to openly weep. I cried because for the first time in my life, I was truly disillusioned. I thought we were the greatest country in the world. I learned that we are not. And I haven’t been able to stop crying.

I’ve put up statuses across social media to share my grief with others. While most have been supportive, I’ve encountered a lot of negativity. I’ve had many people tell me that I have to “grow up” and “respect the decision of the country.” He’s “our president now and I need to learn to accept that.” I’ve been called a “millennial” “disrespectful” and a “spoiled fucking brat.”

EXCUSE ME?

I have shed many tears over this election, and I am not a spoiled fucking brat or some typical millennial. I wanted Hillary to win and I put my money where my mouth was. I put countless hours into her campaign. I got to know people on her staff and became emotionally invested in this campaign. And now, not only did my candidate lose, but she lost to the scariest human I have seen.

A candidate who said he likes to grab women by the pussy, and he can get away with it because he’s a star. He has referred to women as pigs and dogs and says he prefers us on our knees. He has said he is attracted to his daughter. He has been accused of rape. He has been married three times and cheated on all of his wives. And more than ten women have come forward and said he has sexually assaulted him. And he holds the highest office in the land.

I am a firm believer in representation and now men in this country can view this behavior as acceptable. As a 5’1, 100 pound blonde who has been harassed and attacked by men before, I am utterly terrified to exist in this new world. And I am not alone.

It’s not that I’m throwing a tantrum like a spoiled child because I didn’t get the toy I wanted. I am crying out of fear and anguish. I am upset and hurting, and I just need a few days to mourn. I cannot fathom how someone can’t comprehend that basic human need.

While Trump and his supporters are upset about protesters, I am upset that Ku Klux Klan will be marching in victory in a few day’s time. I am upset that people are trying to make me feel guilty for expressing my right to free speech. I am angry that our society was this stupid to fall for this racist, sexist con artist’s words. And I am mad at myself for being bullied into being afraid.

I’ve kept a lot of my opinions to myself because I was told I had to be a good girl. I didn’t want to argue about politics because it seemed petty and silly. Well I am done with that. I will never again be afraid to use my voice. My beliefs are too important to me.

So now I fight. Because three year old Emily believed she could be President. And I don’t want to tell her she’s wrong.

 

 

 

The Top Ten Best Disney Villain Songs

We all have our favorite Disney movies, princesses and sidekicks, but do you have a favorite Disney villain song? In almost every Disney film, we get a brief glimpse into our villain’s world. They belt out a song so dastardly, so evil, so catchy that it makes us all want to be a little bit bad.

No? Just Amanda and me?

Well either way you’re in luck, because Amanda, now going by Renee,  and I have finally made a top ten list of the best villain songs. While there were many contenders, we narrowed it down to the best of the best, or should we say the worst of the worst characters? So sit back and twirl your mustache, as we honor the greatest villain songs from Disney Animated Classics.

Honorable Mention:

Now, you might be wondering “Where the heck was there a villain song in Emperor’s new Groove?”, and let me tell you – it was nowhere.

After revisions to the plot of the movie (which was called ‘Kingdom of the Sun’, originally), this song was cut from the film and left to fade in the light. [Or, well, you know, it was put on the soundtrack.]
Ordinarily, since this song didn’t make it into the movie, I would have to leave it off the list as a matter of principle. However, this song is really good. It has so many of the same elements that made Be Prepared and Poor Unfortunate Souls top contenders. The lyrics are also fantastic.

“Apparitions of eternal darkness
Spiraling in circles through the night
Creatures of beguiling blackness
No more squinting in the light”

It’s a shame that there isn’t any hint as to what the animated sequence would have looked like, but I imagine Dr. Facilier would have his work cut out for him trying to keep up with Yzma’s dance-moves. -R.H.

10. “Heffalumps and Woozles” From Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day

This little ditty comes in at number 10 on our list. Comprised of startlingly eerie lyrics (“They’ll guzzle up the thing you prize!”) and strange almost carnival-esque instruments, this song is a nightmare. No, like, literally. This song takes place entirely in Pooh’s ‘hunny’-grubbing dreamscape as he despairs the possibility of horrible creatures stealing his prized possession.

This song is also notable for its resemblance to another creepy Disney classic – Pink Elephants on Parade. Both feature psychadellic sequences of shape-changing pachyderms, strange-sounding instruments, and even similar vocal stylings. -Renee Hecht (R.H.)

9. ‘Mother Knows Best” From Tangled

Oh Tangled. The Disney film that deserved all the attention that Frozen received but for some inexplicable reason, didn’t. Mother Gothel doesn’t have the harshest most evil plan. (She essentially just wants to stay young forever, as opposed to conquering the world.) It’s the way she goes about it, that truly earns her and her song a spot on this list. After just hearing how much Rapunzel wants to leave the tower, Mother Gothel enters to remind her why she can’t, and it’s all lies.

She scares her into believing the world is a dangerous place, under the guise of love all because she’s just using Rapunzel’s hair to remain young. She’s trapping this poor girl in the tower forever to live a life of solitude because Mother Gothel wants to harvest her hair and she’s doing it all because she ‘loves’ her and wants to ‘protect’ her. It’s horrendous, creepy and gut wrenching to watch because Rapunzel falls for it every single time.  Notice at 2:18 Mother Gothel goes to kiss Rapunzel on the forehead like any parent would, but instead kisses her hair instead. Evil. -E.M.

8. “Friends on the Other Side” From The Princess and the Frog

This jazzy musical number hops in at number 8 on our list. This song feels almost like an echo of former villain-song glory – a wicked little musical number that instantly clues you in that this is not the sort of person you should trust. In addition, this is the first song in nearly a decade of Disney history that has the villain doing their own singing. (Before Dr. Facilier, the last villain to officially do their own singing was Claude Frollo from Hunchback of Notre Dame!)

Facilier comes across as the perfect deal-spinning conman, and his show-stealing voodoo number was honestly the highlight of the soundtrack for me. Especially powerful is the last moment, after heavy beats and flashing lights, when the lights go out with a hissed‘husssh’ and we are left with the image of a floating skull with glowing eyes – completely sinister and absolutely spellbinding. -R.H.

7. “Dig Dig Dig” from Pocahontas

This song is horrifying on so many levels. Governor Ratcliffe sails to America to find gold. The second he sets foot on this new continent, instead of building shelter or taking care of his men, he immediately forces them to dig for gold. While he dreams of becoming a rich lord and taking his new found wealth back to Europe to rub it in everyone’s faces, his men are destroying the new world around them. Like ants coming from a mound, these new men are all identically dressed, with just one aspiration in mind, gold. Ratcliffe and his men are blinded by greed and they don’t care who or what they hurt in order to get their gold. It’s especially more powerful knowing that this actually happened. Groups of men initially came to the new world looking for power and wealth and they did unspeakable things to the Natives that lived here and the land they lived on. The song loses points though because about half way through John Smith cuts in with a really pretty melody about adventure and beauty and it undercuts Ratcliffe’s major villain moment. -E.M.

6. “World’s Greatest Mind” from The Great Mouse Detective

Here’s another villain song parroting a heroic tone. Rattigan’s crew praises his status as “The Best of the Worst around” in this piece, while the rodent himself warbles about his own accomplishments. (This he does, of course, with Vincent Price’s distinctive voice).
The song changes tone not once, but twice. The first time is when Rattigan stops to lament the interference of his nemesis, Basil of Baker Street. The second is when our great villain stops to ‘reprimand’ his henchman Bartholomew for an unfortunate choice of words.

Aside from the well-integrated changes of this dynamic tune, there are the lyrics to consider. While there may only be so many ways to call someone horrible, rotten, and a generally GREAT bad-guy, there’s nothing quite like the Rattigan’s goons crooning “Worse than those widows and orphans you drowned?” to really hammer the point home.

All in all, this song is just fun to listen to, and it showcases Rattigan’s greatest strengths and weaknesses in a single, succinct number. -R.H.

5. “Hellfire” from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This song is downright creepy. Judge Claude Frollo, though a religious man, is lusting after Esmeralda, a gypsy girl that goes against all of his beliefs. He sings about his wanting and aching in this song and it’s truly terrifying. He watches her dance, half clothed, in the fire debating his soul with devil like creatures sent from Hell. It’s already appalling to see a church going man justify his means by using the bible to validate his very wrong opinions, but by the end of the song he takes it to a completely new level. He sings, “Destroy Esmeralda,  and let her taste the fires of hell or else let her be mine and mine alone.” With the religious imagery, and violence towards women, never has a Disney villain felt so real. -E.M.

4. “Cruella De Vil” from One Hundred and One Dalmations

Now, this song may be a light-hearted jab at Cruella’s name, but it’s also one of the catchiest tunes in Disney’s large repitoire of unfairly catchy songs.

Cruella billows in, stick-like frame absolutely drowning in a fur coat, smoking like a chimney, as if she owns the place. While it’s clear that Perdita is afraid of Cruella, and that Pongo instantly dislikes her, it’s not immediately obvious that she’s anything worse than a self-absorbed fashionista.

The brilliance in this song is, of course, that it does foreshadow Cruella’s true nature. She’s not so much a devil as a spider, something that watches you from underneath a rock, biding its time. -R.H.

3. “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast

Though he may be one of the more tame villains, his song is certainly one of the best, and I’m sure he would be very proud of that fact. Obviously I’m talking about Gaston, the only villain to have his song title be simply his name. His song is not about his secret villain dream or his evil plan, or about his deepest desires. Gaston’s song is, naturally, all about him. It details his diet regimen, his perfect cleft chin and overall his good looks. It’s simultaneously hilarious, yet utterly terrifying. Dare I say, this was Disney’s sly commentary on our patriarchal society? It shows everything that’s wrong with machoism, while never directly commenting on it, and it’s brilliant. -E.M.

2. “Be Prepared” from The Lion King

Here’s a biggie.

Dr. Facilier might have had green smoke, and Rattigan might have had cowed followers, neither of them is quite up to the level of Scar – a Shakespearean villain hiding out in a Disney movie.

Be Prepared is equal parts comedic relief on the part of our hyenas, and sheer conniving brilliance on the part of Scar.  And, for a song about regicide, it’s pretty damn catchy. The visuals used include volcanic gas in the form of ominous green clouds, goose-stepping hyenas, and a whole lot of skeletonized animals.

Now, while Jeremy Irons is credited with the lead vocals for Scar in this staple of Disney Villaindom, at the 2012 Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo, Jim Cummings stated that he actually sang a good deal of Scar’s lines after Irons’ voice started to go out during production. (Jim Cummings is also the voice of Ed, if that helps you place him.) -R.H.

1. “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid

Our Queen Bee coming in at number one, obviously is Ursula. The most evil and diabolical of all creatures on sea and land. Ursula did not get her happy ending, and now spends her days tricking others into giving up theirs in the guise of trying to help them. Up until this point in the film, we hadn’t seen Ursula. We meet her and almost immediately she belts out this show stopper, and suddenly we know everything we need to know regarding her. We get that she’s evil, but we also see her flare. She’s bad to the bone, but we love her for it. And she puts on a show. Sounding like something out of a Broadway musical, this number is impossibly catchy and hard to resist. Also, bonus points for the incredible animation with this song taking place entirely underwater. Her villain song is the standard that all others should be held to. -E.M.

So what do you think y’all? Did Renee and I get it right, or did we leave out your favorite? As always sound off in the comments section below and thanks for reading!

There’s Nothing Worse Than…Getting Asked Out In These 9 Ways

After the smashing success of my dating series, There’s Nothing Worse Than…I decided to follow up with another article detailing my hilarious dating trials and tribulations. Instead of focusing on one disastrous first date, I decided to showcase some of the worst ways I’ve been asked out. Because I have overwhelmingly more bad stories than good. While  most of these stories were horrible and or creepy while they were happening, they are nothing short of hilarious now.

So sit back and enjoy because these never happened to you…

1. The World was ending…and he wanted me to play a soda can

I was riding the bus into city with someone that I hadn’t seen in a while. We were loudly catching up the entire bus ride, and I didn’t realize a guy was listening to our conversation. My friend and I were talking about the woes of acting and auditions and when we finally arrived in NYC, this guy was ready. When I got off the bus, he was waiting for me with a conversation starter. He told me he couldn’t help but overhear that I was an actress and as luck would have it, he was actually a director!

I obviously began walking very fast at this moment but he kept following me all throughout Port Authority Bus Terminal. As he tried to keep up with me he assured me that he was an independent film director who was starting his first feature length and he thought I would be perfect for the female lead!

What was the concept, you may ask? It was a post apocalyptic world where all humans were turned into tin and aluminum. He assured me it was very hip and edgy. He envisioned me as the voice of the main soda can, though he was interested in exploring motion capture technology if the funding was there.

That’s when he casually asked for my number to ‘discuss the project further.’ I told him as a rule of thumb I never give my number to men I meet in Port Authority and sprinted towards the door. He called after me that he would settle for an email address. I never looked back as I sprinted to the exit.

I mean the situation is bad enough as is, but a soda can? REALLY? Ugh. That’s not going to win me an Oscar.

2. “Here’s Your Drink can i make out with you now?”

I was at a nightclub with a couple of my girlfriends when a man sauntered up to me. He singled me out of my friends and asked if he could buy me a drink. I love free drinks, and when my friends nodded their heads in approval, I agreed.

He came back about five minutes later with two drinks. I outstretched my hand and the minute the drink touched my palm he said, “Here’s your drink, can I make out with you now.”

I was so shocked that he said that, that I actually burst out laughing. The guy gave me this really incredulous look and I just said “No.” He said, “Really?” I said, “Yes I’m not that easy. And I’m not obligated to make out with you just because you bought me a drink.”

His response? “Oh.”

That made me wonder if that line had worked before. We ended up talking and he seemed like a genuinely nice human. But then when I finished my drink he again asked if he could make out with me now.

Sigh.

Sometimes you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

3. when your starbucks barista asks you to prom when you are 22

I usually go to the Starbucks by my work but on my day off I went to the Starbucks closest to my house. When I walked inside there was a cute, but clearly younger than me, barista waiting to take my order. He asked if he had seen me around here before. I said no probably not hoping he would drop it. He did not however.

He came back with, “No, I’m sure I’ve seen you walk over from the High School before.” I once again assured him that it was not me. And poor guy, he tried one more. “So it’s end of the year. You going to Prom with anyone? Have you figured out which college you’re going to yet?”

I still don’t know if he just thought I was someone else or really just wanted a Prom date. Either way I knew I had to let him down.

Me: Actually I just graduated college a month ago. I’m 22.

Barista: Great, your drink will be ready in a minute you can actually wait over there for it.

I swiftly left him and went to wait for my drink by the other end of the counter. It really was such a shame though. I always wanted to wear a guy’s letterman jacket in High School too.

4. He tried to SEGUE-WAY into my life on a segway

I was wandering the mall around Christmas season desperately searching for presents for my friends. I had about a half hour before work, so I was walking around by myself. This is when a guy rolled, yes rolled, up to me on a segway.

“Hey girl, you are so beautiful.” I said thanks and tried walking away. He literally cut me off by segwaying in front of me. This time he was much more direct. “Hey can I get your number.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. This guy was asking me out while riding a segway. He however did not see the humor in it. I told him no he could not have my number, when he got angry and demanded to know why. I told him it was solely because he was riding a segway and then turned around to get away from him.

He continued to follow me, zooming in and out of people still asking for my number. I finally had to dart in a store to get him to leave.

If only Gob had rolled into my life instead. Now that’s a segway that I could hop on.

5. let me card you so i can have all your info and find you later

I was out to eat with my Aunt and Uncle when the waiter came over to take our drink orders. I admit, he was handsome and there was some mild flirting going on. When I ordered a beer, he was flabbergasted and demanded my ID. He poured over it for what felt like ages and then eventually gave it back to me.

As the meal went on he kept hovering around our table and kept asking me questions and it began to grow awkward and a little embarrassing with my relatives right there.  They kept joking around that they couldn’t wait to see him ask for my number. But when the end of the night came he did no such thing. I thought it was a bit odd but I was slightly relieved.

It was only when I got home did I realize he wasn’t done with me yet. There was a friend request from him, and a new message. It said, ‘Hey Emily. I found you on facebook! I got all your information after carding you. lol.’

While I’m sure his heart was in the right place, I found it incredibly creepy and weird. I trusted this person with all of my private information and instead of just asking me for my number, or pulling me aside away from my relatives, he took information that I didn’t freely give him, in order to find me.

Needless to say, I denied that friend request. Sometimes you just aren’t meant to find love at Outback.

6. never come between me and my burrito

One of the things I love most in this world, is a Chiptole burrito. And when I walk into that Chiptole hungry, after a long day of work, I want nothing more than to quietly eat my guacamole in peace. There was one day though, I was not destined to achieve this.

The Chitpotle I was in, wasn’t particularly crowded and I selected a booth in the back of the restaurant far away from the other inhabitants. As I nestled in with my burrito and book, I was content. After a few minutes of eating and reading I noticed an older man sit down a couple of tables away from me. As he sat down he made eye contact with me. I quickly looked away and went back to my book.

A few minutes later, I looked up again and realized he was now a table closer to me. I didn’t think much of it, but ten minutes later when I looked up again I realized he was once again at a table closer to me. This continued for the next 15 minutes until he was finally seated at the table next to in an otherwise empty restaurant. At this point he was essentially dancing with red flags.

I gathered my things and started wrapping up my burrito. He then went in for the kill. “Excuse me miss, I just wanted to say you’re really beautiful.” I quickly said thanks, hoping that was it. He then asked me for my name. He also asked me if I was from the area, which I find incredibly amusing. I said no and headed towards the door. He asked if he could ‘show me around then.” I did not respond.

But honestly, why would he interrupt me when I’m with my book and burrito? Doesn’t he know, no man could live up to that level of perfection, let alone a creep like him?

7. “You’ll remember me as the guy who hit his head on glass”

I was getting my car’s oil changed and was watching the process in the waiting room through the window when a youth came barreling up the stairs to the waiting room and went to the bathroom. When he came out he sat down on the same couch as I was. He went to look out the window at his car, when I heard a loud thud and OWWW. I realized that in his eagerness to exist in this world, he had rammed his head into the glass.

He then started laughing and said, “I guess you’re gonna remember me as the guy that hit his head on the window.” I fake laughed and asked if he was okay. He assured me he was and said “I’m Andrew what’s your name?”

AND THEN STICKS OUT HIS HAND FOR ME TO SHAKE AFTER HE JUST GOT OUT OF THE BATHROOM. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOES THAT?

I quickly said my name and then went back to reading my book, but alas, he did not take the hint. The following is an exact transcript of our actual conversation:

Andrew: So do you go to school around here?

Me: Nope.

Andrew: Oh I do. It’s my first time going to school in the area so I don’t know anyone.

Me: That sucks.

Andrew: Where do you live?

Me: A couple towns over.

Andrew: Yeah but where?

Me: *lies about a town*

Andrew: That’s so close to here…So what are you reading?

Auto Guy: Hey miss, your car is ready.

Me: *grabs all my worldly possessions and dashes towards the exit* NICE MEETING YOU GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.

Andrew: Wait! I wanted to talk more-

Me: BYE

Fin.

I really sincerely hope he makes friends…and graduates high school.

8. he sent me a friend request while i was sitting next to him

After a long and tiring day at work, all I wanted to do was ride the bus home mindlessly scrolling through my various social media like a normal human. However a guy around my age sat down next to me and clearly sized me up. He started asking me a million questions about my life. I was trying to answer as politely as possible but also with crisp, short answers so as not to encourage him.

He continued asking me questions despite my lack of enthusiasm, so I decided to take a more direct approach. I pretended to be asleep. This worked for all of 30 seconds until he decided to ask me another question, completely ignoring my hint.

After about five minutes of ignoring him with my eyes closed I gave up and tried a different approach. I mindlessly started scrolling through my I-Phone to phase him out that way.

At first, it seemed to work. I was scrolling through Facebook and he seemed to back off. However things went from bad to worse.

I suddenly realized that I got a friend request. I went to see who it was and realized that I didn’t know the name. I was just about to decline it when I heard the guy next to me say, “So you going to accept that?”

With utter horror I realized the friend request was from the guy sitting next to me. It was like that moment in the horror films where the police tells the young woman that the call is actually coming from inside the house.

He must have been watching me check out my profile and thought it wouldn’t at all be creepy if he just sent me a friend request.

Spoiler Alert: It was creepy.

In hindsight, I am almost positive he wasn’t a serial killer. At the time though, I was fairly certain I was going to die. However, after years of watching Criminal Minds I’ve learned that you do what the killer tells you to, in order to stay alive. I gave a hollow laugh and accepted it and silently prayed that the bus would drive faster.

After about five more minutes of really awkward conversation, he officially asked me out. I lied and said I had a boyfriend. He still asked for my number right when my bus thankfully got to my stop. I said no and jumped up from my seat.

The second I got off the bus, I blocked him from my profile and have never seen nor heard from him again. Turns out bus delays aren’t the worst thing about NJ Transit.

9. no clever title…he was just wearing a mumu

I was at an outdoor party with a couple of friends when a rather large man walked right up to me. I was quite startled to realize that he was, in fact, wearing a mumu.

As I was staring at him in shock, he asked me slyly, “Have you seen my cock?” I was utterly horrified. Frantically I thought I must have misheard him and asked him to repeat himself. This time he repeated himself louder and prouder. ‘OY HAVE YOU SEEN MY COCK?”

I had no idea what was going on. Obviously I had never seen this man’s cock, and I had no idea why he was asking me this question. Then he pointed to his mumu. That’s when I realized his mumu had roosters on it.

‘OY, GET IT. COCK, ROOSTER, ROOSTER, COCK.”

I nervous laughed. That’s when he asked me to stroke his beard. I’m not sure what face I made but his response back was, “Oh you’re a delicate little thing aren’t you?”

He then asked me for my number. As I had no desire to stroke his beard I politely declined and walked away.

So moral of the story, if a man asks you if you’ve ever seen his cock, check first to see if he’s wearing something with roosters.

Well that’s all of them. Thanks for reading everyone! Have any of you been asked out in worse ways? I want to hear all about it. Sound off in the comments section below.

 

Oscars: 2016 Predictions

 

Hello my lovelies, guess what’s this Sunday? THAT’S RIGHT IT’S THE OSCARS, which means I’m as happy as a clam. Nothing makes me happier than predicting the Academy Awards. While this year has been overshadowed with controversy, (For more info check out my blog post here #ShamelessPlug) it’s still the biggest Awards Ceremony of the year and hard to ignore. While almost every category is pretty locked up, there are still a couple of races going, including Best Picture. With the addition of Chris Rock hosting, this year is shaping up to be an interesting one.

This year, besides my own picks, my friends and long time collaborators, Glynis Neely and Nick Nappo are offering up there picks as well for some much needed perspective, and competition among us. So may the odds be and our Oscar pool be ever in our favor.

Best Picture:

Will Win: Spotlight

Could Win: The Revenant

Dark Horse: Mad Max: Fury Road

The Revenant or Spotlight could take home this prize, and it’s really a toss up for me.  Despite not having seen the film, I’m leaning more towards Spotlight.  I saw The Revenant and while it was a good film, I don’t think it was the best I’ve even seen this year.  That award goes without a doubt to the film that wins in my dreams: Mad Max: Fury Road.  I am already predicting it will sweep the technical categories, but as for best picture I would be thoroughly shocked if it actually won. -Glynis Neely

Will Win: The Revenant

Could Win: Spotlight

The Revenant has garnered a lot of publicity lately, and topped many critics’ year-end lists, which would justify many of the pundits bumping it up their lists.  I think we’ve reached the point where that’s the one. – Nick Nappo

Will Win: The Revenant

Could Win: Spotlight

Dark Horse: The Big Short

There are two films currently battling it out for Best Picture, The Revenant and Spotlight. Both have won their fair share of important awards and both have a pretty passionate fan base. Going into awards season, Spotlight was the front runner, but it lost momentum halfway through the season and The Revenant is picking up speed. It’s a really tough call this year but ultimately I’m picking The Revenant only because of what happened at last year’s Oscars. It came down to a similar race, a front runner that had lost some momentum, Boyhood and a hip up and coming film directed by Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Birdman. The Academy eventually picked Birdman  so this  time around I’m picking The Revenant. Though in the event of a complete voting split, look for the pretty beloved The Big Short to sneak in there for the surprise win. – Emily Miller

Best Actress:

Will Win: Brie Larson

I have loved her from Day 1 on United States of Tara.  So excited for her to get some recognition! – G.N.

Will Win: Brie Larson.

Could Win: Saoirse Ronan.

In a “No Guts, No Glory” world, I’d say Ronan takes it, but let’s be real here – everyone’s been saying Larson since the beginning.  What a performance. -N.N.

Will Win: Brie Larson

Could Win: Saoirse Ronan

Cate Blanchett and Jennifer Lawrence have won this award too recently to really be considered for Best Actress. Charlotte Rampling made some controversial comments during the #OscarsSoWhite controversy which leaves her out as well. That leaves Larson and Ronan and out of those two, Larson has gotten the better reviews and has swept the awards circuit pretty thoroughly this year. It’s hers to lose. -E.M.

Best Actor:

Will Win: LEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Could Win Even Though They Aren’t Nominated: Michael B. Jordan / Idris Elba

I think this is it guys.  This is the year Leo FINALLY gets his statuette.  And if I’m being honest, this is not the role I would’ve hoped he would win for.  I wanted it to be The Departed, but alas better late than never right?  However, even the nominations for this category are not great.  I would have preferred to see Michael B. Jordon on that list for Creed or even Idris Elba for Beasts of No Nation, but they were not even nominated.  Such a shame #oscarssowhite. -G.N.

Will Win: DiCaprio

Could Win: NO ONE. -N.N.

Will Win: Leonardo DiCaprio

Could Win: Michael Fassbender

For Bryan Cranston and Matt Damon whose nominations were less than guaranteed, just being here is the win. While Eddie Redmayne gave a great performance in The Danish Girl, he won only last year, and the Academy won’t want to reward him so quickly. That leaves DiCaprio and Fassbender. Both are actors who have been nominated before but have yet to win. The odds are for Leo who has won every major award this year for his performance and is pretty beloved by all of mankind and the internet. This would be the upset of the night if he loses. -E.M.

Best Supporting Actress:

Will Win: Alicia Vikander

Could Win: Rooney Mara

I agree with the AV Club’s assessment that Rooney Mara should’ve been nominated in the lead actress category and Cate Blanchett moved to supporting, but I’m not sure it would’ve made a difference on the winners.  Alicia Vikander came on the scene with her affecting turn as a cyborg in Ex Machina, and then followed it with seven more films.  After The Danish Girl, it would not surprise me that she finally wins. – G.N.

Will Win: Alicia Vikander

Could Win: Rooney Mara

I’m still relatively hopeful for Rooney, but Alicia Vikander gave a very bold, fearless performance in The Danish Girl. -N.N.

Will Win: Alicia Vikander

Could Win: Kate Winslet

Besides Rachel McAdams, any of the nominees could really sneak in there and win it. Jennifer Jason Leigh gave a career high performance after working in the industry for over 30 years in The Hateful Eight, and yet there are members the Academy who don’t like Tarantino’s use of gratuitous violence. Rooney Mara gave one of the best performances in the year, though it’s had a hard time finding its category. It’s not quite supporting but Cate Blanchett is the real star of Carol, so she’s not exactly lead either. Still there was some outcry that she ended up in this category.This will ultimately hurt her. Alicia Vikander has also had the same trouble of finding her category but to a lesser degree. She’s won a lot of important awards and has become the front runner of this very crowded category. However if there are still some voters who are genuinely upset that she ended up in this category look to Kate Winslet to steal it away. She’s already pretty beloved by the Academy and she gave a genuinely good performance in an actual supporting role. -E.M.

 Best Supporting Actor:

Will Win: Sylvester Stallone

Could Win: Tom Hardy

So it looks like Stallone is definitely going to take this statue, and while I understand the choice, I still would have preferred Tom Hardy to sneak out a win for The Revenant.  He was truly incredible in that film, even more so than Leo, and it’s a shame he’s likely not going to win.  I could also say I would’ve loved to see Benicio del Toro nominated for Sicario because he turned in a simmering and scary performance for Sicario; despite being a similar character to ones he played before, it is easily one of his best performances. -G.N.

Will Win: Sylvester Stallone

Could Win: Mark Rylance

Rationale Although I love Mark Rylance and thought he was fabulous in Bridge of Spies, I really felt something from Sly this time like I’ve never felt before.  Maybe it’s nostalgia, maybe it’s the comeback, but he gave one of the standout performances of the year. -N.N.

Will Win: Sylvester Stallone

Could Win: Mark Rylance

Dark Horse: Tom Hardy

You know it’s a tough year when a previous winner in this category Christian Bale is probably least likely to win. Even Mark Ruffalo, who gave a great supporting turn in an ensemble film that’s nominated for Best Picture, is going to need a lot of luck to hear his name called. Tom Hardy has a decent shot at it. He gave an intense performance in the film most likely set to win Best Picture and Best Actor. He hasn’t won any major awards though and will have needed to make up a lot of ground campaigning. Mark Rylance was the front runner for the longest time, however his film Bridge of Spies began to lose momentum right around the time  Creed  premiered and threw Sylvester Stallone into the stratosphere. Stallone has now swept a lot of the major awards, riding a wave of nostalgia that doesn’t seem to end any time soon. He’s the predicted favorite but I suspect he isn’t as locked down as we think, and look for Rylance or Hardy for the upset. -E.M.

Best Director:

Will Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Could Win: George Miller

In this case, I think The Academy will honor Innarritu 2 years in a row (he won for last year’s Birdman) which has not happened at the Oscars in 66 years!  But of course, although I do respect him immensely, I was still gunning for George Miller’s incredible world building with Fury Road.  Miller created a spectacular post-apocalyptic wasteland and proceeded to steal my heart. -G.N.

Will Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Could Win: George Miller

Rationale Although Mad Max: Fury Road was arguably the most stylistically rich from the perspective of direction, I think Iñárritu edges out on the basis that it’s his direction which seamlessly integrates with the acting, writing, and production design. -N.N.

Will Win: Alejandro G. Iñárritu

Could Win: George Miller

Generally, it’s a pretty safe bet that the Best Picture Winner’s Director will win the Best Director category. Since this year seems to lean towards The Revenant, Iñárritu is the logical choice. As last year’s winner he is clearly well liked and one of the hottest directors in the industry now. However, if the Academy feels like being a bit more creative, look for them to honor George Miller for his passion project, Mad Max: Fury Road which was a film, decades in the making. -E.M.

Best Original Screenplay

Will Win:  Spotlight-G.N

Will Win: Spotlight

Could Win: Nah, I think Spotlight takes it.  Really well-written film, that was. -N.N.

Will Win: Spotlight

Could Win: Inside Out

With The Revenant most likely beating out Spotlight for Best Picture, this will be the first major category that the film could win. Voters will most likely make up for their guilty feelings of not voting for it by rewarding it here. However, if voters are voting with their hearts not their heads, then Inside Out might just swoop in and steal it. Because honestly, there really wasn’t a more original screenplay this year. -E.M.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Will Win: The Big Short

Could Win: Carol

Having read the Price of Salt just last year, I would love for Carol to win this award. However, I think it will more likely go to The Big Short. -G.N.

Will Win: The Big Short

Could Win: Room

I mean, where did The Big Short go wrong in its writing?  Dry, witty, sophisticated, sarcastic, smart, compelling…it was as much fun to listen to as it was to watch.  That’s good writing. -N.N.

Will Win: The Big Short

Could Win: Room

This is like the exact same circumstance for Best Original Screenplay. The Academy will want to reward The Big Short, a wonderful film that will most likely get shafted out of Best Picture, in the next best category. However, if voters go with their hearts they will reward Emma Donoghue for her tremendous work adapting her own novel, Room, into a Best Picture contender. -E.M.

best CINEMATOGRAPHY

Will Win: The Revenant 

Should Have Been Nominated: Tangerine 

Emmanuel Lubezki has been doing incredible work for years and after the awe-inspiring cinematography of The Revenant, I think it is finally his time to shine. However, the gimmick in Tangerine of shooting the entire film with iPhones is a staggering achievement and should have at the very least been acknowledged. -G.N.

Will Win: The Revenant.  All those glorious, vast natural shots.

Could Win: Mad Max: Fury Road -N.N.

Will Win: The Revenant

Could Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Regardless of whether you think The Revenant deserves to be Best Picture, or you were turned off by the story or violence, you cannot deny the sheer beauty of this film. All of the nature shorts paired with the fact that they only used naturalized lighting, creates an epic  sweeping feat. However, if viewers are feeling a bit more adventurous then look to Mad Max: Fury Road for the win. -E.M.

best costume design

Will Win: Cinderella – G.N

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Could Win: Cinderella -N.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Could Win: Cinderella

Dark Horse: Carol

This is actually one of the closest categories this year and very much up for grabs between three films, Mad Max: Fury Road, Cinderella, and Carol. There are very few names in the costume world that jump off off the page, but Sandy Powell is one of them. She’s a three time winner in this category, going for four this year. The problem is, her biggest competition is herself. She’s nominated for Cinderella and Carol. If voters can get themselves organized, Cinderella might be the winner. However what’s more likely to happen is that voting will be split and Mad Max: Fury Road will step in for the win. -E.M.

Best film editing

Will Win: Max Mad: Fury Road

Mad Max ended up on so many critics best of 2015 lists, that it’s hard to accept it likely won’t win for Best Picture.  However, the technical skills involved in creating this film are so impressive that in all its other nominated categories, I think this one is a cinch from nuts to bolts. -G.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road.

Could Win: The Big Short.

The Big Short was a mindf**ker right from the get-go, due in large part to the editing.  Great stuff. I will say, however, that the editing here really complemented the snappy dialogue, which good editing should do – it’s the technical representation of the film’s tone.  Props to Hank Corwin here. -N.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Could Win: The Big Short

A lot of the technical categories are going to honor Mad Max: Fury Road since it doesn’t have a shot at winning a lot of the top awards. Technically speaking, the film deserves the win. However, The Big Short has a lot of love within the Academy and has some really exhilarating editing that’s been gaining a lot of traction lately. -E.M.

best makeup and hairstyling

Will Win:  The Revenant -G.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road.

No contest. -N.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Could Win: The Revenant

The sheer scope of creating an entire world for Mad Max: Fury Road will edge out the 19th century period of The Revenant. However some automatic votes for the Best Picture potential might just spill over into this category causing an upset. -E.M.

best production design

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road -G.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road.

Could Win: The Revenant

I haven’t seen such epic proportions since Ben-Hur. -N.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Could Win: The Revenant 

Once again this race will be between who created the best version of an apocalyptic desert or a 19th century American frontier. Once again I give the edge to Max, but again look to The Revenant for the upset if members want something a little more traditional. -E.M.

best original score

Will Win: The Hateful Eight 

Should Win Even Though It Wasn’t Nominated: It Follows

I will be the first to admit that I was more excited for this film because of Ennio Morricone’s score than for Tarantino, but I do have my gripes.  My only wish is that it was used more in the film.  Morricone’s score for The Thing is one of my all-time favorites, and it’s used throughout the entire film.  Tarantino had him create a theme and a couple variations, but they are not used enough in this film.  And as for It Follows, that score truly made the film.  If there was not such a genre bias against horror films, I would have no doubt this score would’ve been on the short list. -G.N.

Will Win: The Hateful Eight

Could Win: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Morricone’s 88. Dude’s had a baller career.  Give him the gold. But there’s also John Williams. -N.N.

Will Win: The Hateful Eight

Could Win: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Though The Hateful Eight received mixed reviews, it was utterly unanimous that the original score was insanely good. Also for all the Tarantino fans within the Academy, this is their one best shot to get his film some recognition. But don’t ever count John Williams out of the Best Original Score category. This is nostalgia at it’s finest and I wouldn’t blame Academy members if they voted with sentimentality. -E.M.

best original song

Will Win: “Til It Happens to You” -G.N.

Will Win: “Til It Happens to You”

Could Win: “Writing on the Wall”

#Gaga- N.N.

Will Win: “Till It Happens to You”

Could Win: “Writing on the Wall”

Lady Gaga has been on a roll lately and it’s not going to stop here. People are going to want her to get the famed and allusive EGOT. She’s got a Grammy, and if she wins tonight she’ll just need a Tony and an Emmy. Yet if any of Gaga’s antics have gotten on the nerves of some of the more traditional Academy members then look to Sam Smith who wrote a beautiful classic ballad that’s more their style. -E.M.

best sound editing

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road -G.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road.

Could Win: The Revenant.

Mad Max: Fury Road was a technical masterpiece. But The Revenant had great editing, too. -N.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Could Win: The Revenant

Dark Horse: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Honestly, all 5 of the nominees have a shot at taking this Award. The safe bet is to assume that the majority of the technical awards will be given to Mad Max. However The Revenant will always be lurking in the background and this is one of the easier categories for it to slip in, in the event of voting exhaustion for Mad Max: Fury Road. But don’t count Star Wars out either. It has a lot of love and with it being nominated in only a few categories, there are only a handful of chances for it to win an award and this could be it. – E.M.

best sound mixing

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road -G.N.

Will Win: The Revenant

Could Win: Mad Max: Fury Road.

I’ll say that The Revenant will win because they did a lot of great work to create an enhanced soundscape from the wilderness. Then there’s that aforementioned technical masterpiece. -N.N.

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Could Win: The Revenant

Dark Horse: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

For all of the reasons I mentioned for the previous category. The Revenant has a real shot at winning this, but generally these two categories go hand in hand and voters believe they should vote for the same film in both categories. This is why I give the very slight edge to Max. -E.M.

best visual effects

Will Win: Mad Max: Fury Road -G.N.

Will Win: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Could Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Just because. -N.N.

Will Win: Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Could Win: Mad Max: Fury Road

Nostalgia. Beats. Apocalyptic desert. -E.M.

Best animated feature

Will Win: Inside Out

This film is brilliant and easily the most inventive and poignant film Pixar has made. If you haven’t seen it yet, stop everything and go do that now. -G.N.

Will Win: Inside Out

Could Win: No contest here. -N.N.

Will Win: Inside Out

Could Win: Anomalisa

This category is definitely Inside Out‘s to lose and it would be one of the biggest upsets of the night if it lost. However there has been a late surge for Anomalisa and while I think it’s unlikely, it certainly has a chance with some voters who are tired of Disney/Pixar monopolizing this category. -E.M.

best documentary feature

Will Win: Amy

I still have yet to watch this documentary, but my mother watched it and said it was amazing.  The fact that my mother wants to watch it yet again says more about that movie than I ever could. -G.N.

Will Win: Amy

Could Win: I think this’ll be unanimous. -N.N.

Will Win: Amy

Could Win: Cartel Island

Ever since the Academy opened up the voting in this category to all Academy members and not just exclusively to voters who specialized in documentaries, the winner has typically gone to the popular or feel good film. This year the easy choice is Amy an incredible documentary about polarizing singer Amy Winehouse. Even if members haven’t actually seen these films, they will gravitate towards Amy because at least they know the subject matter. However if voters want something with a little more meat to it, look to the topical Cartel Island a feature about the drug trade in Mexico to steal it. -E.M.

best Foreign Language Film

Will Win: Son of Saul -G.N.

Will Win Son of Saul

Could Win Idk, I haven’t seen any foreign films. -N.N.

Will Win: Son of Saul

Could Win: Mustang

This is a notoriously difficult category to predict, however the clear front runner of this category belongs to Hungary’s Son of Saul. It won the Grand Prix at Cannes and the Golden Globes this year which are excellent pre-cursors to this category. Yet don’t count France’s Mustang out  which has had a great late surge. -E.M.

best animated short

Will Win: The World of Tomorrow– G.N.

Will Win: Bear Story

Could Win: Sanjay’s Super Team -N.N.

Will Win: Bear Story

Could Win: Sanjay’s Super Team

Dark Horse: The World of Tomorrow

The short categories are kind of a free for all. If anyone tells you they have a guarantee winner, they are lying. Yes, there are front runners but there aren’t many high profile awards or publicity about these categories to give an accurate judge of what’s to come. Things tend to go a little haywire here. That being said, the front runner is Sanjay’s Super Team. The problem is, in the past few years the front runner has lost. Also this film was a little intense and mildly scary for smaller kids. Which is why I’m taking a chance and selecting Bear Story. An adorable film about a lonely old bear telling his life story through a diorama. But also don’t count out The World of Tomorrow because this category is a hot mess.

best documentary short

Will Win: Body Team 12 -G.N.

Will Win: Body Term 12 

Could Win: Claude Landmann

I’ll just go with that cuz it has a cool title. -N.N.

Will Win: Body Team 12

Could Win: Claude Lanzmann: Spectres of the Shoah 

Dark Horse:  A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness  

Many critics are divided pretty equally in this category. I’m giving the slight edge to Body Team 12 because it has a bad ass name and subject matter. It follows the team of 12 that collect the dead bodies of Ebola victims.  However don’t count out  Claude Lanzmann: Spectres of the Shoah because the Academy loves nothing more than to honor films about films and films with Holocaust subject matter. It’s like they get to pat themselves on the back. And lastly, A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness  because of the aforementioned hot mess. -E.M.

best live action short

Will Win: Ava Maria -G.N.

Live Action Short Film

Will Win: Shok

Could Win: Ave Maria -N.N.

Will Win: Ugh, I don’t know

Could Win:  All of them.

Day One, deals with the story of a divorced Afghan-American woman who is sent to Afghanistan to work as an interpreter and runs into a very unique situation. Everything Will Be Okay, is about a divorced father and his daughter, or Stutterer might be a worthy competitor here too because it sounds exactly like what it’s about! But Shok could shock them all and Ava Maria is actually the legitimate front runner. Ugh.  To be different from Nick and Glynis I think I’m going to pick Stutterer? But also, Shock might be my real pick. -E.M.

So what do you all think of our predictions? Thanks for reading and sound off in the comments section below!

 

White Do You Mean? #OscarsSoWhite Controversy

We are about a week away from Oscars and instead of talking about who will win and imagining what the stars will be wearing, an uglier more serious issue has come to the forefront. For the second year in a row, the Academy has chosen not to nominate any actor or actress of color. That’s right, all 20 of the actors nominated this year are white. It’s an especially devastating blow because the same issue was brought up last year, and after promises made by many inside the Academy to fix it, it’s become apparent that those promises went largely unheard.

Now this year the #OscarsSoWhite is back with a vengeance. The hashtag, started last year in protest, once again spread like wildfire on twitter, prompting some stars to boycott the ceremony and even forcing the Academy into new rule changes regarding how long a member could stay a member for.

On the other hand, some people have been offended at being called racists, and insist that voting is fair and only those who deserve to be nominated should get a nomination.

So what’s actually going on?

Since this is a difficult issue that should be discussed thoroughly with all sorts of opinions and people, I’ve asked 5 of my coolest friends to weigh in on this and they have graciously offered agreed. Thank you Gina, John, Glynis and Nick for weighing in.

Gina Marie Rodriguez: 

Look, I have a Hispanic last name and an Italian face.  I have never had to deal with prejudices in the same way as my fellow Boricuas.  People don’t look at me and see a “minority.”  I don’t look at me and see a minority.

I can’t imagine what it is like to look in the mirror and be afraid that my looks will… cost me an award, cost me a job, cost me a beating, or cost me my life.  This is the real issue at hand here.  I want to make it clear that the reason that #OscarsSoWhite is an issue is because of the underlying dilemma, the cracks in the foundation that everyone are all too eager to jump over.  RACISM.  Yes, it still exists.  If you’re reading this blog, you probably already know that.  If you don’t- best to keep reading, darling.

The issue is NOT that a couple of whiney actors of color are upset that they don’t get the chance to walk away with a meaningless statue.  The ISSUE is that to this day, after hundreds upon hundreds of years of oppression, they still can’t get a bunch of old white dudes to ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR EXISTENCE.

Don’t tell me that there “just aren’t any worthy actors of color this year.”   What happened at the Academy this year and for many, many years prior is this: A bunch of old white dudes (and a few old white ladies) have the power to judge a wide breadth of films.  We, as a people, gravitate toward what we know.  What do a bunch of old white people know best?  Other white people.  They select what is most comfortable for them, faces to which they can relate, cultures to which they can relate, stories to which they can relate, and styles to which they can relate.  These Academy members may not even be inherently racist, they are simply choosing what they know, but because the collective as a whole is not diverse, the votes are heavily weighted to favor people with less melatonin.

Were I to become famous right now, I would not face these same issues.  I fall into the Cameron Diaz category.  We are Hispanic but we are the right kind, the “white kind.”   It is a damn shame. 

The issue of racism does not just face African Americans; it faces anyone and everyone who is not the right shade of perfect.  Latinos, African Americans, Indians, Native Americans; the list goes on and on; all are suffering because our country refuses to accept on a larger scale that racism is still running rampant.

Don’t let anyone tell you that #OscarsSoWhite is some bullshit scam just because Will Smith is mad that he didn’t get nominated.  Actors of color already know that they are talented and so do the millions of fans who watch their work regularly.  This is not about walking away with a trophy.  This is about dignity.  This is about expecting a country, who so proudly touts itself as the “Melting Pot” to recognize that intelligence, personality, and talent are unrelated to skin color.  The Academy, and the rest of the world, must encourage diversity and stop using a color palette as a rating scale.

Gina Marie Rodriguez- is an old soul desperately trying to navigate her way around the 21st Century. A graduate of Rutgers University, Gina holds a B.A in Theater Arts and Communication.  She is therefore unemployed.  (Just kidding, just a little artist humor for you). She bides her time blogging, scriptwriting, filmmaking, acting and modeling.  She’s a true Renaissance woman (but don’t ask her to cook or sew- it will not end well). She has three independent films under her belt and is the Founder and Director of the Rahway International Film Festival.  Follow her on Facebook @Gina Marie Rodriguez, Twitter @NotThatGina, and on her blog Babble, Banter and Blather

John McHale:

Another thing is that you can’t ask the nominees to not attend. That’s just dumb. You were recognized by a prestigious group for your accomplishment and not going is a middle finger to them and more importantly, yourself. Mark Ruffalo, nominated for Spotlight, put it best when he said he will be attending as a way to honor the victims of sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. Brilliant!

Now, my white privilege might allow me to say this next part, but I do think that if five white people perform better than five black people, the five white people should be nominated and vice versa. That’s how any good contest is decided. If you do better, you win, or in this case, you get nominated. However, where this argument stops is when you look at society in general.

White people have gotten a tremendous head start and have gotten the short end of the stick far less than people of color. So do we treat this Affirmative Action-style? I don’t know. This is a contest. That’s what the Oscars are. But this is also the film industry. It’s a business. And white people generally make it through business a lot easier than people of color.

So what’s the right way to go about this? Not sure.

Either way, you probably have to realize that there’s a bigger issue than just white nominees. Take a look at the people doing the voting. The Academy is made up, generally, of old, white men. In the words of Brock Lovett in Titanic: “There’s your first clue, Sherlock!” It’s not the acting pool that needs diversification; it’s the people giving them a chance to expand their careers.

Now, I’m sure by now we’ve all heard of the report that the Academy is doubling the number of women and minority voters, right? Sounds great, right? The trouble is that number only really goes up by about 300 people in a voting body of about 1700 people. AND!

It won’t happen until 2018, which sort of makes me wonder how hard it is to find women and minorities. My feeling is not very.

Anyway, I also think that we are doing a disservice to other groups when we only say “white people were nominated. Blacks should have been too!” We gloss over the rest of the world. Think of it: we have 197 other countries with countless backgrounds and we’re focused on two. Even more to the point: The Danish Girl is the story of a transgender woman played by Eddie Redmayne. He’s a great actor and I have every confidence that he handled that role beautifully, but how about the fact that there are transgender actors who can’t even get roles about the story of their lives? That seems more unfair.

And if we are going to talk only about the nominees, we’re missing something else: how about the movies that get nominated for Best Picture? The Danish Girl is not there. Creed, which has a black main character, is not there. Beasts of No Nation, another movie with a black main character, is not there. Carol, the story of two gay women, is not there (yes, I know it got two acting nominations). Does that strike you as a little strange?

Now, if these movies just weren’t as good, cool. But the Academy can pick 10 Best Picture nominees. They chose eight. Maybe that’s something worth looking into.

John McHale- works for a major news network. Politics and current events are always playing a massive part in his life, but he still tries to keep up with his college love of theatre and show biz. For more of his two cents, please check out the “Movies that BETTER BE GOOD” section of this blog.

Glynis Neely:

After the Oscar nomination list was released last week, the hashtag invented about last year’s nominations #OscarsSoWhite, resurfaced with a vengeance. And although the opinions have been mixed, one thing I think we all can agree on is that people are finally talking about this issue.  There is a serious problem with this industry and representation.  I cannot even begin to understand how it feels to have experienced this type of discrimination your entire career.  I most admire Viola Davis for speaking out against the industry itself.  “The problem is not with the Oscars, the problem is with the Hollywood movie-making system.” There is a dearth of talent in the minority community that is not being called upon. If these jobs were available, it would be an entirely different story. And while the nominations this year are indeed depressing, they aren’t exactly surprising either.  The Oscars are simply one piece of a systemic problem.

The Academy itself still takes some of the blame, however.  The Academy is majorly white (94%), largely male (77%) and unsurprisingly aged 50 or older (86%).  These statistics are indicative of the makeup of the overall Hollywood industry, so it makes sense that the Oscars would reflect the choices of this demographic.  Until there is change within the industry that puts money behind minority-led projects, there will not be a change in the films that are nominated. “How many Black films are being produced every year?” Davis continues. “How are they being distributed? The films that are being made, are the big-time producers thinking outside of the box in terms of how to cast the role? Can you cast a Black woman in that role? Can you cast a Black man in that role?”

Oftentimes, producers and casting directors have no vision of thinking outside the box when it comes to casting their films.  And only certain roles are bookmarked for Black or Asian or Latin characters; they can’t be seen in leading roles because people don’t want to see films like that – allegedly.  While I’m sure there are bigots for whom that would matter, the majority of the American population just want to see good movies, which has nothing to do with the color of the actor’s skin.

Let’s take the film that has now officially been named the highest-grossing worldwide opening of all time. Star Wars: The Force Awakens has pulled in over $2 billion worldwide and is still climbing higher.  While it did receive some technical Oscar nominations (film editing, original score, sound editing, sound mixing, visual effects) the lead female (Daisy Ridley) and lead males (John Boyega and Oscar Isaac) are notoriously absent.  People are clearly not bothered by these characters in the most popular movie of the year. The question is why do studios think it will be so hard to garner an audience with these actors?

Then we have a film like Creed, of which I have heard nothing but good things for its lead actor Michael B. Jordan. The Academy chooses to acknowledge the white supporting actor, Sylvester Stallone, while the lead of the film is completely ignored.  Some supporting actors have gotten Oscar nominations without their lead in tow, but it is most definitely not common and especially strange considering all the critical praise for Jordan’s performance.   Idris Elba was also touted as Oscar material for his turn as a ruthless commander in Netflix’s acclaimed film Beasts of No Nation.  And yet, both of them are absent from even the nominations.  Even Straight Outta Compton, which has a large African-American cast, was well received by audiences and critics and yet the only people nominated were the two white screenwriters. Even in their own films, they do not get their due praise. These films are being made and they are out there, but until studios decide to fully fund them and market them properly, the numbers will likely stay the same.

And there needs to be opportunities to work in order for the best to rise to the top.  The pay gap needs to be closed and more women and especially women of color need to be put at the helm of projects, as they have been found to often be more open minded with their casting choices.  We need to see more female directors and producers and decision makers at the top.  Without giving their voices a platform to tell their stories, they can only remain silent; the system as a whole needs to change to reflect the time we live in.

Increasingly more celebrities are stepping forward and speaking out about the inequalities within the industry that must change in order for us to move forward. Many of these people advocating on behalf of their peers are women. Geena Davis has been encouraging studio executives to add more female characters to their scripts.  Meryl Streep has founded a screenwriting lab intended for women over 40. Ava DuVernay has been building up her distribution company, which releases films specifically by women and directors of color. And Viola Davis, as I have mentioned, has been crashing through the glass ceiling every chance she gets, from her jaw dropping reveal on How to Get Away with Murder to her demand for equality on the red carpet. There are so many talented women who are not even getting offered those roles because of the sexism, racism, and ageism ingrained in the industry. Davis’s comments ring true yet again: “You could probably line up all the A-list Black actresses out there, [and] they probably don’t make what one A-list White woman makes in one film,” she said. “That’s the problem. You can change the Academy, but if there are no Black films being produced, what is there to vote for?”

And what can we vote for this year?  I am so disappointed in the Academy, I don’t even want to watch and I can completely understand why some actors, namely Jada Pinkett-Smith and Snoop Dogg, have chosen to boycott the Oscars.  I am angered on their behalf.  The Academy needs to be aware of how polarizing their ceremony is and what it says about our society as a whole.  I can only be thankful that Chris Rock is hosting this year.  The Academy has given him more than enough material to rip their show to shreds and I can only hope that he does so in the most hilarious way possible.  If anyone can tear down the industry’s inherent racism, it’s him.

Some new films by and starring people of color to check out:

GIRLHOOD (BANDE DE FILLES), FRESH DRESSED, DOPE, 3 1/2 MINUTES, LILA & EVE, WHAT HAPPENED, MISS SIMONE?

Glynis Neely– is a TV addict with the dedication of a devout seamstress and the attention span of a small child. She loves dissecting pop culture in her spare time and enjoys staring longingly at pictures of Oscar Isaac, especially when they include cats. She is highly opinionated with the movie knowledge to back it up; her friends often refer to her as a walking IMDB. She is also extremely passionate about feminism and has no problem calling people out for misogynist, racist bullshit.

Nick Nappo:

So the lovely and talented Emily Miller asked me to make my return to the blogosphere to comment on the recent #OscarsSoWhite controversy.  At this point in this Sunday evening, Carly Rae Jepsen is singing this God-knows-what song in “Grease: Live”, so I thought I’d share my thoughts with you.

Firstly, I do agree with the general chatter – for the second straight year, the Oscars nominations have been…ahem…a sort of mayonnaise/Wonder bread hybrid.  In other words, very Caucasian.  However, I’m not entirely certain that this is a reflection of racial bias among members of the Academy.  I’m going to take an opposing view here and say that maybe it just so happened that the nominees that got the highest number of votes were all Caucasian.

To be honest, it’s a little difficult for me to say that Hollywood is completely “racist” in light of Idris Elba’s win last night at the SAG Awards for his amazing performance in Beasts of No Nation.  After all, as actors voted for the SAG Awards, many of them are also members of the Academy, which votes for the Oscars.

What’s especially apparent to me, however, is that we live in an extremely polarized society nowadays.  I think the nominations announcement came at an unfortunate moment, coming off the #BlackLivesMatter sandstorm of 2015.  The nominations only exacerbated the situation.  But I don’t think we should jump to say that the Academy won’t honor artists from all races and ethnic backgrounds.  After all, in recent years we’ve seen honors bestowed to people such as Steve McQueen, Lupita Nyong’o, Octavia Spencer, and Mo’Nique. 

Plus, when have the Oscars honored every deserving artist of the year?  It’s in the nature of the ceremony to exclude people.  And just because they happened to exclude people of a different race at this particular time does not mean they’re against all people of that different race, and it doesn’t mean they won’t include them in coming years.

What we must understand is that merit is not confined to an object such as an award.  As Viola Davis said last night, actors of color, even if they aren’t recognized by a governing body, will continue to do great work now and into the future.  I, for one, am looking forward to seeing future work from them, and all actors.  I don’t see actors in colors – I see them as a collection performances and a community of artists.

Nick Nappo- is a marketing director for a small financial services firm in downstate New York.  When he’s not doing that, however, he enjoys all types of the arts, especially film.  He went to Drew University for Theatre Arts with some of the contributors to this article, which is why he was asked to contribute.  For his horribly outdated blog, visit nicknappo.wordpress.com.

 

Emily Miller (mE, hA.):

Anyone who has ever met me knows what an Oscar fanatic I am. Every year I blog about and obsess over every detail. Which is why the #OscarsSoWhite controversy has been especially difficult, because the Academy is truly an organization that I have grown up loving and idolizing.

There comes a point though when one becomes disenchanted with the hero they’ve loved. And while I will always hold a special place in my heart for the Oscars, on nomination day for the first time in my life, my idol failed me.

While it’s true that we shouldn’t nominate actors, directors, or films who don’t deserve it, I find it incredibly hard to believe that in two years, there wasn’t a single actor or film involving an ethnicity other than white, that didn’t deserve a nomination.

For me, it showcases two problems. The first is within The Academy themselves. For a long time The Academy was an enigmatic group of people. No one knew who they were or how many of them actually existed. The Academy has a rule that once you are inducted in, you are a member for life. (Which side story, explains Sister Dolores, who became a member and then joined a convent!)

However a few years ago, the LA Times after extensive research, issued an explosive story on who the Academy actually was. While these statistics are a few years old, they are still fairly accurate.

-94% White
-77% Men
-2% Black
-2% Latino
->.5% Asian, Native combined

The average age, is 63.

It’s hard not to balk at those statistics and admit there isn’t a problem. It’s difficult to take their nominations seriously when old white men keep nominating white actors and stories that focus on men. And for those that say they have nominated ethnicities in the past, let’s take a closer look.

In case you’re interested:

Over the course of its history, 66 Black actors have been nominated for an Oscar and 15 have won; 28 Latino actors have been nominated and 9 have won; 17 Asian actors have been nominated and 4 have won. This is the 88th Oscars, meaning 352 awards to actors have been given overall out of 1760 nominees.

Black actors nominated = 3.75% of total nominations; Black actors awarded = 4% of total awarded

Latino actors = 1.6% of total nominations; 2.5% of total awarded

Asian actors = 1% of total nominations; 1.1% of total awarded

For comparison, Black people are 13.2% of the US population; Latinos are 17%, and Asians are 5.6%.

Kind of puts things into perspective.

For almost all of modern culture, it has been the artists that have been the most liberal. The artists that have been able to stand up and protest with their creativity and art. The artists that have kept the humanity alive in the darkest of times. And so now, in the hour when the #BlackLivesMatter movement is growing stronger and they look to the artists to support them, they get no help back.

It’s frustrating for any person, but as someone that identifies as an artist, I’m especially crushed.

The way I see it, is the Academy 100% dropped the ball.

Now it would be easy to sit here and blame the Academy for all of these problems, but honestly it’s not entirely their fault. Were there films that showcased minorities that just blatantly weren’t nominated, yes. Were they bombarded with so many films featuring people of color that they had no choice but to nominate them, no.

The #OscarsSoWhite does highlight a nasty trend growing within the Academy but it really showcases a much larger issue, representation in Hollywood. Because overwhelmingly the films being made have a white male protagonist. And usually if a female stars in it, it’s a Romantic Comedy.

The film industry needs to do a better job at including everyone. We need more films starring women, in roles that men could play. We need more films telling LGBTQ narratives, actually starring those people. We need films with every race and ethnicity represented. We need less white men directing, producing, and writing films and more of everyone else.

Because we can change The Academy rules all we want but until the film industry offers equal opportunity for all, The Academy will continue to nominate the story of the white man, and continue to nominate white actors.

Yes, #OscarsSoWhite is a reality, but so is #HollywoodSoWhite. While we have created change among The Academy, lets not forget about an even greater change that needs to occur.

I’m Emily– and welcome to my blog. After graduating college with a dual degree in History and Theatre Arts, I put them to good use by working at a 2 classical theatre companies. Watch me in a webseries that’s about everything except the white man, called Sidetrack. Follow me on Twitter and my blog for all my pop culture commentary. I promise to be witty in at least one of those places at all times.

And as always, sound off in the comments section below and thanks for reading.